Grass Is Always Greener.. If You Get Paid.

I know that this is a crazy idea. I know that this will never be something that could actually be possible for the layers of habitual behavior that have been built up to make up the social code and system we have in place as humans. BUT. I feel like it would make for a great dream.
Wouldn't it be incredible if everyone got paid for happiness? If you wanted, you could call it your career or your day job. And the level of pure happiness determines the amount of money you get. Or, at least, that could be how it is implemented. Eventually money becomes obsolete and we all just get along.
Won't anyone think of the children?!?!

Anyway. Life is good. I'm between two houses right now. Moving to the new places is fun and exciting with lots of new things and challenges and social code to think of with room mate and friends. I'm realizing just how socially awkward I am. But yet, how I really just need to approach all situations with love and kindness and hope for the best. Isn't that what life is about anyway?
A wise woman today told me "I just love the world!" And why shouldn't we all? And another wise man said "You should love your family like you love yourself. And you should love your friends like your family. And acquaintances as friends. Everyone you know should be bumped up a notch."
Isn't that true though?

In other news. Went to the art gallery with Lady Love and My Yogi. Saw this painting. Looks way better in person, I think. But I like it because I feel like it's the evolution of what I do on canvas. It's my art with more layers and mediums! Quite interesting. I picked up a couple techniques.

Also had a fun experience at a water park today which was new for me. And will be going to my first church service in 7 years tomorrow. Convinced by my good friend, The Pastor, to attend. Good thing I'll have company. Not so sure how I would do that all on my own. Loads of hangups with that one. But gotta keep those spiritual doors open! Just loving the world like I was inspired to.

Lowly also made me up last night. Took away most of the hippie in me and replaced it with clean respectable girl. It was a little odd to be so normal. I'm glad she knows me so well to not make me completely uncomfortable. I was still able to laugh at myself quite a bit. It was enjoyable.

Anyway! Happy times. Kumbaya. Yada yada yada.

M.

This Is The Life

Oh dear. I have been doing just too much lately and hearing so many kind words spread throughout my life that it's all too much to be putting down while it happens.

I'll start it all off with a quote/theme of my "guru's". My teacher/boss at the studio is this wonderful person as I've mentioned before and she gave this class today that I so enjoyed. It was refreshing because most of the time when I am enjoying a class it's because it has these amazing poses that open me up and strengthen me in ways I wasn't expecting. This class however, was about the earth under the rocks. And, well, the rocks themselves. (Of life that is. Because I of all people would never use a metaphor) Sometimes we allow these huge stresses to bear down on us and weight our life. It happens. No one can stop it and there's really no point. The best we can do is deal with it with elegance, grace and kindness.
But what we often don't see is the life under these weights atop us. When you pick up a rock in the forest, you will most likely find a whole suburban system of life and living creatures. It's a network of growth and fertility. The earth is moist and mellow, perfect for living comfortably in and being steady but there is things like moss and bugs and worms all living and passing time above and within it.
What I feel we need to see is the potential these stresses give us. We are given these laden drops in the ebb and flows and we can choose to see the ability it gives us to re ground and re group or we can wallow in it and become stagnant and drained.
As a kid, I loved picking up rocks and seeing all that was below it. It is the smaller version of our lives. Just as we are the smaller version of what is going on around us and outside of us. It keeps growing in both directions and the fact that we are a part of the masterpiece that is this life, is refreshing and invigorating.

NOW to give you a bit of a map of the life I've been leading.
Oh fun times.

Went to The Fringe, enjoyed the drunken business of Whyte Ave on a Saturday evening, reveled in the summer night warmth, and had a drink or two with quite the best of company.





Hung out with the Canine for a while in the front yard the other day. I love and appreciate her so much. She's probably the most amazing dog I've ever met and I'm so glad she is the way she is. Softest part of my heart belongs to her.






Been spending a lot of time with Lowly and Family. They have been quite good to me and I love them all dearly. Such a warm and genuine family. The only people I love to be made fun of by.


Said goodbye to a friend with boardgames, drinks and home made delicious cookies. I so appreciate the people in my life. They are so full of life... and penis jokes.



And watched the sun set last night before spending some quality time with My Yogi. Days like these you would love to be stuck in and yet want to continue forever.

I've been really keeping up on yoga as of lately and just went for a workout today for the first time in a while! I so enjoy feeling good like this. I think I may just be preparing myself for a seasonal change but I really do love the place I'm in right now. As stressful as things get and as many sucker punches to the balls I seem to be getting as of lately, I do enjoy this light that seems to be begging to be let out in its entirety. And it will be.

You'll see.

M.

Cogs Gears and Yoga

Sometimes life clicks. There are many types of this particular situation. One that I have experienced as of recently is the type where the laws of physics and time just sprinkle a little bit of sparkles along your life path. It happens when you least expect it and sometimes it really just ends up being a blow to the side of the head. You don't fully realize that life has been moving you in this one direction since the beginning of time. Our minds can't fully comprehend that notion but we can sure as hell try.
I see us all as unique individual cogs in the gear of a massive watch that keeps ticking. No right or wrong, no good or bad, just gears, doing their respective jobs to continue the movement of time.
Emotions is where things get confusing for us (me). At points, I'm on top of the world. I'm so happy, my heart and head are bursting out of my body and shining this brilliant light out into the world around. Sometimes I'm lop sided and unbalanced. Staggering around in my path, losing my footing and being overwhelmed by each thought.

I took a Bikram class tonight. (Hence the abundant thought process) I really enjoyed it. I'm definitely going to include it into my practice. To be able to not think and just be connected with these extremely active poses is quite refreshing. And I honestly loved the heat. It was great to feel as if my skin was going to just lift off of my body and fill the gap with this buzzing energy of vibrancy and life.
I had to be so aware. I really had to make sure I was asking myself if every movement was something I really wanted to be doing. Sometimes I had little time to think, sometimes it wouldn't take much thought.

By the end of it, I was alive. The energy of the people around me was incredible and so invigorating. It were as if the space between everything, everyone, wasn't really there. Air turned to solid, moist, heat that mixed so well with the haze of sweat all over my body. Everything just mixed into all that was around it so simply and flawlessly.

My heart glowed green and was expanding with every breath. I felt as if it were this radiation that was touching everyone in the room.

Now this is a bit of an extreme experience for me, but it is usually something along these lines that I feel while doing yoga. I become so grounded and yet completely aware of everything. Detached from emotional effect or drama. Simple. Clean minded. Fresh but still with depth of mind.

This is how I feel everything clicks. There is a distinct pop sound when you hear a solid fit perfectly in line with another solid. The metaphorical pop happened for me. Keeps happening. It's a breath of clean, cool, vivacious air.

Another thing that has really resinated with me lately is sound. I've been enjoying a couple different artists, looking back on some past ones with new light and so on. I have been enjoying reverberation quite a lot. Seeing a lot of visuals to match with sounds that make it hit a bit deeper of a nerve in my mind. It's nice to really have an appreciation for good, solid music.

Life love cogs gears cadence and movement.

M.

People

People have been very inspiring to me as of late. I seem to be attracting people into my life that are doing me wonderful favors with their thoughts and actions towards me and life in general. I'm quite enjoying the love and affection life has been throwing my way.

Life has also been indulging me with many artistic inspirations. I'm not dreaming quite as much anymore but I really like the amount that my mind is reeling at night. It doesn't seem so daunting and overwhelming now. And I think I have plateaued at an even balance of creative thought while conscious and unconscious.

I figure now would be a great time to show all the creativity flooding though my veins.

As usual, we start with the melodies.

This song makes me so happy. The swelling of the strings and harps that come in so subliminally brings such a depth to it. I love walking around with this song sifting though my eardrums, bringing me to a lovely place. I often feel as if it's recorded in a forest.

This is the cafe that I often write my classes in. It's just down the road from my house and I must admit, the staff are quite charming.





This is Lady Love and I all dressed up for the Mad Men 50's themed party that we went to. We were both wearing heels and falling over in this picture due to them digging into the unstable grass below us. I like the movement in the picture though. And the strange expression that you wouldn't normally notice on someone.


These are some of the wonderfully musically creative people I am so happy to know and be friends with. Their sounds will reach many ears and be the cause of some blissful concert moments in years to come.



And this scene is the place I have called home for the last 5.5 years of my life. All of these pictures will soon be of my life back then and I will look at them with reminiscence inside me, thinking of all the amazing people I met, the leaps of growing I did, and the harsh weather.

I really do appreciate the people around me right now and have to say, they're doing a mighty fine job of being wonderful humans.

M.

A New Vein in Time

Entertain your eardrums with this as your eyeballs do all the work.

At the studio that I teach at, we do this "inspirational rocks" thing. Basically (as cheeseball as it sounds) there are a bunch of polished rocks in a basket up at the front of the room and in Savasana the teacher bring the basket to each person, allowing them to choose the rock that they need. On it is an inspirational saying. (Connect with Nature, Relax, Breathe in Breathe Out, for example) Sometimes it's really just a rock to me. Sometimes I feel very little from whatsoever.

Let me skip a beat for a second and tell you how this is semi in relation to my blip of existence. As I've mentioned before in previous blogs, there is a lot of change going on in my life. And I think I either knew or manifested it a long time ago because I had this sort of saying of "2011 holds some big changes" and I said it long before I even knew what the plan was for this year. Well, part of this plan is moving back to the homeland. Western forests and ocean views is on this girls path. As excited as I am, there is a whole new world opening up for me. I'm going back at a completely different age and stage of life in general. As I said to Champ today, my mind is opening and growing at a rapid rate and I am just learning to accept and allow it all to happen. So this is creating, as you might have guessed, quite a bit of anxiety in my thought process.

Now it circles back. My rock the other day said simply "No Fear"

Made me realize something along a bit of a different vein.

I taught a class after that whole rock experience about the movement of time and how it applies to our yogic practice. I was saying how every amount of time can be broken into the smallest of moments and snaps of life. The world turns, millions of people eat their cereal while millions are making love. Nature lives and dies, we are just a small pin point in the scheme of things. And we will never be this young ever again! We will never be this person with these ideals with these exact memories or lack there of.

Which maps me right back to, no fear.

Why? Why bother having fear in our lives? I challenge anyone to bring me a point of why fear is a necessity in every day living.

Now, I'm not an extremest. Sure, in a perfect world, peace love and happiness could prevail. We could all hold hands and live a merry little life in our grande hobbit holes and farms of fresh nurturing goodness for the souls of everyone. In a perfect world, we could live sans-fear. But it's not perfect. So what?

So we bring a bit of easiness into our choices. We allow simplicity into the little thoughts going through our heads. Everyone has them. The Rolodex of categories with sub categories A-Z spinning around. Or maybe a boardroom of different sides of you all arguing different points. Whatever your visual, can it be simplified? Can it be relieved of weight? Can it be fearless?

My question to myself through all the haze and obstruction is, who will I allow myself to be?

M.



Click line below for loves sake.

Long awaited bliss..

Melted Mind

Themes in classes I feel are quite important. Of course I can do a yoga class without at theme. It doesn't bother me when it is made to be themeless. But for me, for my classes. I love a theme. Putting a touch of creativity is so important. Most of the time I find it easy to relate my practice/teaching to every day life and just put in some generic "take it the way you want it" type of class. It's quite nice to be able to do that.

So then what the hell is wrong with me lately?

It seems like every time I try to think of a class theme, it turns into a blob of thought that slips through my fingers. I grasp at it frantically trying to figure out what the wording was that I used but it literally falls into thin air and doesn't come back.

I was in the gym in the back of the studio today and there are mirrors everywhere so I practiced my sort of "monologue" that I would do tonight for class and I finished and lost every single word I had just said. Gone. Poof. Now I have to try and rethink, rewrite and re-speak my spiel.

I guess something that I've been learning lately is to really take everything with a grain of salt. The impermanence of everything is so evident and always around the corner so why attach? Why put importance on things that will just leave? I guess that could sound really pessimistic but I would say it's just being laid back. Let it happen.

Maybe that's what I'll do tonight. Let it happen.

Lost thoughts,

M.

P.S. Had a little ladies night. Guess what we had? Thanks to Champ for the drinks. Such a pal.

Incomplete .1

Something that I've been chewing through lately is the concept of being accepting in the uncomfortable situations of life.

Here's how my thought process goes.

I want to always be growing, learning, expanding. Even when I do let my mind rest and just numb out, I'm still doing it for the reason of growth. I give myself breaks to be able to continue to grow more thoroughly. For the most part lately, it's all been quite a controlled growing period. Very little chaos was had.

A metaphor The Man used last night that I've had a visual of for a while now is, I feel as if I've been thrown into a field and not given a direction but told to find the path that best suits me. Not only that, but I don't know who I am. So I am to find a personalized path for someone I don't know. I have 100% options. How is one supposed to narrow it down from that?

There is a discomfort. An unknown aspect of life that is overwhelming. And yet, I don't want to get back into a comfortable haze. Where is the medium? Where is the balance?

I guess, thus is life. Finding the balance in all situations. Sometimes I feel as if I regress and my maturity is out the window. (Ok, I feel like that a lot lately..) But sometimes I feel solid and expansive. The quest is to learn how to continue those moments of feeling rooted in yourself and growing to who you want to be, all the while keeping that self love. Discovering who you are and who you're changing into is all part of the excitement.

A good question to ask yourself in these situations (I assume) is, how can I make this happier? Brighter? More fun and adventurous? What can I do to bring a lightness to this situation?

I still haven't quite figured this out yet. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing theme in my life, at least for a while. I'm sure I'll do a .2 on the subject soonish..

Genuine ponderings,

M.

Skin to the Grindstone

Sometimes it feels as if I'm wearing a skin of sandpaper. Everything pulls and catches, snags and rips, scratches and damages. The grit changes from time to time but for the most part, it still hurts everything around me, but mainly myself.

The texture of our lives changes consistently. Not only the top layer but all the other ones as well are individualized and completely different. What I'm learning is that dreams and ideals are good to have but they won't physically rid my body and mind of this harsh surface. What will? Taking it off of myself. Peeling back the layers one by one and disposing of them efficiently. Making sure that I work at bringing my natural skin back to its healthy self. Setting aside time for the process sink in. Making realistic goals and putting them into action. Putting a light on every single thought and making it a choice. You can go one way or the other. One will bring you to a better state of life, the other will not. Because, (as Dancing Queen always says) to not make a choice, is a choice.

And as I've been told, there will always something in our lives that we are "going though." At all times. It may be smaller or unseen, it may just be beneath the surface. Whatever it is, at whatever time, it's always better to work with it than against it. Eventually that sandpaper skin will have been peeled off and somehow the situation will have been made smooth.

A lot of the time, what my fingers spill out on this keyboard and eventually end up in front of the eyes of friends and the general public, is what I would like to be. The best of myself. I put these ideas, these thoughts and views out there to hopefully have to be accountable and responsible for living up to all the ideas in my head. I can feel my mental growth expanding into tangible actions but it's taking a while. I know I need to always remember that everything is just a phase but my mind gets caught up quite easily. Soon enough though, with the encouragement of the ever loving people around me, I will see a change in myself.

Now to go and make my skin anew.

M

Observant of the Times

As I amble along my journey in life, I start to look back in glances at my previous mindsets and levels of self awareness. Which, in all honesty, I think is quite healthy! It helps to provide me with a sense of growth and pride for how far I've made it. I've made it as far as I have and that's all I can do. I don't have a set goal of happiness. Just continual joy and freedom.

Neither here, nor there!

I would like to think that, as a kid, I had quite a free mind. Sure, I grew up in a bit of a tight religious conformity type circle but it helped me to gain morals and an ability to create community around me. Alas, fancy free, was I. Priding myself on the caked masses of dirt between my toes and under my nails, the scars on my legs and arms, the sun burns I got from hours a day of running around in raspberry fields and making very little money. (due to lack of work and horrid pay) There was always an underlying weight of maturity that had been thrown upon me but I was capable of still being a true child. Those days were bliss.

I don't feel there was really one specific age that turned me to a teenager, filled with angst and rebellion. It just slowly started to happen. But the point of this post is less to do about my mental and emotional state and more to do with my style and comfort. I feel like as a teenager, everything is in a haze. (For most, there are a lucky fashion forward few that keep their shit together.) I remember walking into my church, a few times, with one of my favorite outfits. Black slip on shoes (I was much too tall for heals, and still now), rainbow knee high socks, black knee length skirt with lace separating the panels of fabric to show the slightest bit of skin, and a massive black hoodie. Accompanied by whatever colour hair my friend and I had decided to do that week and a faux hawk of some sort. Or a pixie cut.

Not my best time period.

I would like to think that I've grown. And not only have I expanded in maturity on a general basis but maturity in the amount of comfort I have in my personal style. Back then I was making a statement. I was proving to the world that I was not the people around me and I shouldn't be seen as such. Now, I dress the way I do because I like the way I dress. I find materials that make me happy, colours that suit my moods and movements. I guess in a way, I'm still making a statement, just now it's a whole lot softer. Maybe even filled with more kindness. Towards myself, towards my surroundings, towards life in general.

I love fashion but merely because I love expression. The human mind can take art and the perspective of self and manipulate it into so many different categories and shapes. With how complex we are, how creative we can be and how beautiful life is, what's not to like? Overall, I'm just incredibly happy that I've found a groove, a channel to allow my expression to flow through. I was paid a great compliment the other day. Someone was telling me how there is such diversity in my personality and ability to express. As a "young adult", I hated that. I wanted to find my niche. I wanted to be good at one thing and live it out to the best of my ability. I wanted to dress one way and be that to the fullest extent.

Most people call me a hippie, a category I'm happy to sport. Honestly, I'm just happy to be me.

Glancing observations,

M.

P.S.
Thankful love goes to my wonderful photographer, Lowely. Making pictures look nice even when the idea is sprung upon her.

Sub Thought of Consciousness

I'm not sure how other people dream, really. I ask all the time but no one can really give a straight answer. So because I would love for someone to do this for me, (feed my curiosity for the human mind) I will do this for others in hopes of the same in return at some point.

I dream in energy. In the intent. Anyone read The Chrysalids? John Whyndham explained it quite well how these kids communicate through thought. That's how my dreams work. No one really says "words" in the literal form. I often dream in colour, shape, feeling. I don't get details or specific images, just a general vibe of whatever emotion this object is meant to be portraying.

Often times when I dream of people, there are certain features that I see on them that are my depiction of the features they have in real life but the rest of their bodies often don't look quite the same. I'll know who they are most of the time by the energy they give me. Even though I know who the tall man with dark hair and piercing eyes is, he may be giving me the energy of someone else. Most of the time they look somewhat like the person they are in reality, but sometimes not. Sometimes if I see my sister (wee one) in a dream, I'll know it's her but she'll look totally different. It can be because the dream is in the future and she is evolved into someone that I'm not accustomed to in modern day time. For the most part, the hair and the color of clothes are the two things I am capable of really seeing. Everything is often just blurry and out of focus.

Sometimes I'll dream in psychedelic shapes. Just outlines of objects, flowers, vines, shapes, geometric designs. That's not very often and when it does happen, it's mostly in Savasana. (Which has been really trippy for me lately.)

I see surroundings quite well though. Last night was Switzerland and there was a harbor with boats and houseboats floating and bobbing around. There were huge hills all around the harbor that were lush with the greenest of grass. I remember the ebb and flow of the waves around all the wooden docks, there was a building that reminded me a lot of Waterfront Station in Vancouver. I took the escalator down to the water and looked back at the brick building. It looked like it may have been displaced there from the 20's.

Sometimes my dreams stick with me really well, in which case I'm capable of writing them down in a dream journal I have. Sometimes they leave just before I become conscious. I often wake up and then try and dive back into the dream before it slips through my fingers but it's often too late.

I've tried to do lucid dreaming but I've only achieved it once or twice and didn't enjoy it very much. I like seeing what my subconscious comes up with. What situations the depth of my mind decides to create for the thought process of my mind.

Sub thought of the conscious self,

M.