Come and Go

Stand-by for the kaleidascope skies.
Reflecting in her radical eyes.
Boy tries what the girl denies,
After a rainstorm,
A rainbows the prize.

The appeture in my lense is focusing. My depth of field is shifting. The view I once had has now blurred and another, different, daunting and refreshing outlook is appearing before me. Currently, I am too overwhelmed to put enjoyment into this change. All I seem to be looking for is comfort. And yet, I still strive to find the focal points in this new landscape. I push further for more and more change while being held down by the coat tails by the weight of stability.

Is it better to flourish and stumble forwards in expansion and quest for bigger, wider, deeper knowledge? Or is it better to dampen the expansion only slightly, maybe just in a different way, to stablize and root oneself? I know my life will affect and impact the world around me no matter what I choose. I know my life will leave a story. As to what story, I am befuddled. Legitimately feeling torn is the worst and best feeling. I know the choice I make will be the "better" one no matter what. But to actually make a choice is daunting.

If you haven't already guessed, or have even spent all of 5 minutes with me, you'll know I don't decide well. I love being the leaf on the water, going whichever way the wind takes and allowing for others to decide my circumstances. It get's me into trouble occasionally. It tends to take away from my life force from time to time. There is a delicate balance between standing within yourself and allowing life to happen. I stand, teetering, wavering in the breeze, in that balance quite often. It's an odd place to hold your life, I know.

I have been catching my thoughts lately. The ones that have been standing out are the ones where I am dreaming of packing up everything I own, tying off loose ends and hitchhiking to California. Or driving up north and living in a cabin for the winter in solace.

Looping back to my first subject; Fantasy or reality? Stability or freedom? As much as I would genuinely like to send that question out for other people to answer, I know the answer needs to come from me. I need to look to myself, and ask honestly.

Much work to be done..

M.

"And your voice still echos in the hallways of this house"

Simple Chaos

A certain bear once sang of the simplicities of life. A certain boy, dancing behind that bear where ever he went, believed him, wholeheartedly.
Now, ask any artist, any musician, any person with passion and venom, what they give in their efforts. What do they show for themselves. Complexity. Dynamic. Diversity.

What I want to express today is the brilliance and the depth of the gradient in between the two.

Starting with the muddled. Life gets so out of control, so wild and impulsive, so structured and tight. It whirls around you in circles, be them rigidly in perfectly accurate lines or splaying in every direction with chaotic momentum and zest. There is confusion and perception always in the way of clear thought. Mountains upon mountains of layered compacted habitual behavior that sometimes never get touched, never mind dealt with. Our minds work endlessly hard to build these walls to protect and stave off the negative. But what we sometimes don't realize is that these walls are just good at keeping the hurt out as they are at keeping it tucked in.

On the other side of the map there is simplicity. Some people have too much of it. They can't grasp the concept of diversity and depth. They allow certain things to be the only thing they see and close down to any other method of behavior or thought process. Some people reject it and push it down in favor of drama and chaos. Some people take advantage of the simplicity that external objects grant them. Be it food, coffee, alcohol, heroin, or a sharp blade. Everything has the potential for abuse and overuse in the path to simple thought. People have these over active, undirected minds that stray off to unhealthy things just to experience it and have it encapsulate them.

There is a third option.
I believe that our divinity, our wisdom and ability comes from being able to step back and take everything in while having the capability to narrow our focus to the smallest part of ourselves and bring a thorough self awareness to our lives. That gradient between the big picture and the smallest click is our gift. Our ability to see the beauty and vibrancy in life is what makes us human. We have access to death and chaos while still being fully able to provide health and love.

How I see it (my own personal opinion.. not that any of these words aren't just my perception), the first step is breath. I know I'm a yoga teacher and it's the obvious choice but there are very few people that I know that appreciate the importance of air entering your lungs. It gives us the control over our bodies and minds that we need to be able to do the work of stepping back and easing forwards. It gives us the motivation and easement to be able to balance the ebb and flow of life. To be able to breathe fully and sit in stillness is the best anchor and growth someone can do for themselves. To be able to see that we live and die alone and if we know ourselves to the greatest capability, we can love and share with others so much more fruitfully.

Moral of the story. Appreciate life and everything it holds for you. Allow yourself to love and be loved. Give the world your best even if it's not returned to you immediately and appreciate the little bursts of sparkly brilliance that come your way. Notice them. Accept them. Open yourself to the possibility of life being a wonderful journey that we can only do our utmost with. Paddling against the river does nothing but tire out your weary arms and mind. Don't bother wasting your time and energy on past bullshit that serves you no purpose. Learn from your lessons, take in the wisdom and maturity time has to offer and stride onwards towards acceptance, happiness, love and gratitude. Be playful.

Why not?

M.