Fueling the Fire

Let me allow you a glimpse into who I am and what makes up my physicality. I have very open joints and not much muscle mass. My body is very Kapha in that I am "padded" and loose. Which means I've got tons of flexibility and no strength. (I've also learned you can't tell anyone that without them thinking of some sort of sexual joke.. them's the breaks) Obviously, my specialty in teaching yoga would be Yin.

Now, my teacher, my friend, and my boss (all one person) is really trying to train me on how to teach Vinyasa Flow. It's not easy for me. Not only am I quite weak but I'm not exactly the best with verbs and queuing. So after my flow class this morning my teacher writes out a chart for me.
2/3 of the class warm up and build up to a peak pose. 1/3 is just lesser versions of the warm ups to cool down and ready for savasana.
I found it really helpful!

It also got me thinking a little. Maybe I need a bit more structure in my life. I was just doing an interview with my Dancing Queen for a documentary she wants to make and I found myself really yearning for motivation. The words were just flying out of my mouth about how much I wish I had that fire inside of me to get shit done when it needs to be done. I so tend to lean towards shying away. I would rather step back than push forwards.

Maybe I need to be making those active steps by taking that first plunge into life with charts. It sounds silly but writing everything down may just keep me accountable. Maybe it will give me that push I need to drive forwards. Lord knows I need a push. A shove. A slap. A mind jolt. Something to keep me moving. I'm craving change, as of late. I need to continue onwards and upwards.

What holds us back? What causes that recoil? Comfort? Fear? If I've been learning anything, it's that life is gorgeous and there is nothing better than living it fully. So why hold back?

Have you ever craved something so much it takes over your thoughts? What stops you from making the move and achieving it? Situation? Circumstance? What inspires you to push forwards? Who makes you want to do more? What music makes your energy just fall into place? What actions allow freedom in you?

Maybe write these things down. Document. Learn. Grow.

The meandering mind of Meri.

Mind Tug-Of-War

Something that has been coming full circle for me lately is simply self awareness.

My Mum, yesterday, was telling me of this lady that she knows from a group of friends that meets every week or so. This lady was quite inspiring to me, in that, my Mum was saying how no one can say something or comment without this lady asking why they used such wording or what they mean by what they were trying to say. She's always encouraging the people around her to look deeper within themselves to figure out who they are and why they are that way. Why do they allow themselves to come off the way they do. That, I think is an admirable trait in someone.
My Dancing Queen whom I've mentioned before is quite the same. Quizzical and curious into the human condition. She helps you figure out your own process, rather than tell you,"this is who you are".

I'm currently working on this painting of mine. I'm really not a fan of it at all. It may be because of the place I'm doing it from, but I feel it holds a very little amount of self awareness. I'm not putting what I'm really feeling into it. I feel like I'm putting what I think would look good in a certain environment down on this canvas and it's not coming out how I'd like it to. The thing is, I've now gotten attatched to certain parts of this picture that, as a whole, doesn't feel like me.
Little splatters and colour contrast make me want to keep it but as soon as I step back and look at the painting as a whole, it makes me uncomfortable.

I know what I have to do. I need to respect myself and what actually needs to be on this canvas rather than be attached.

I guess the next step to self awareness is allowing yourself to be true to it. Making sure you not only check in with your truth but obey it as well.

Give in to the best of yourself.

I'm looking forward to moving forward from this learning curve. When I can look behind me and laugh with a carefree nature knowing that it's beyond me now. Soon.

... The messiness of my mind this morning...

M


Song of the moment:

If You Want To Sing Out
Cat Stevens