Monday, June 6, 2011

Mind Tug-Of-War

Something that has been coming full circle for me lately is simply self awareness.

My Mum, yesterday, was telling me of this lady that she knows from a group of friends that meets every week or so. This lady was quite inspiring to me, in that, my Mum was saying how no one can say something or comment without this lady asking why they used such wording or what they mean by what they were trying to say. She's always encouraging the people around her to look deeper within themselves to figure out who they are and why they are that way. Why do they allow themselves to come off the way they do. That, I think is an admirable trait in someone.
My Dancing Queen whom I've mentioned before is quite the same. Quizzical and curious into the human condition. She helps you figure out your own process, rather than tell you,"this is who you are".

I'm currently working on this painting of mine. I'm really not a fan of it at all. It may be because of the place I'm doing it from, but I feel it holds a very little amount of self awareness. I'm not putting what I'm really feeling into it. I feel like I'm putting what I think would look good in a certain environment down on this canvas and it's not coming out how I'd like it to. The thing is, I've now gotten attatched to certain parts of this picture that, as a whole, doesn't feel like me.
Little splatters and colour contrast make me want to keep it but as soon as I step back and look at the painting as a whole, it makes me uncomfortable.

I know what I have to do. I need to respect myself and what actually needs to be on this canvas rather than be attached.

I guess the next step to self awareness is allowing yourself to be true to it. Making sure you not only check in with your truth but obey it as well.

Give in to the best of yourself.

I'm looking forward to moving forward from this learning curve. When I can look behind me and laugh with a carefree nature knowing that it's beyond me now. Soon.

... The messiness of my mind this morning...


Song of the moment:

If You Want To Sing Out
Cat Stevens

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