Observant of the Times

As I amble along my journey in life, I start to look back in glances at my previous mindsets and levels of self awareness. Which, in all honesty, I think is quite healthy! It helps to provide me with a sense of growth and pride for how far I've made it. I've made it as far as I have and that's all I can do. I don't have a set goal of happiness. Just continual joy and freedom.

Neither here, nor there!

I would like to think that, as a kid, I had quite a free mind. Sure, I grew up in a bit of a tight religious conformity type circle but it helped me to gain morals and an ability to create community around me. Alas, fancy free, was I. Priding myself on the caked masses of dirt between my toes and under my nails, the scars on my legs and arms, the sun burns I got from hours a day of running around in raspberry fields and making very little money. (due to lack of work and horrid pay) There was always an underlying weight of maturity that had been thrown upon me but I was capable of still being a true child. Those days were bliss.

I don't feel there was really one specific age that turned me to a teenager, filled with angst and rebellion. It just slowly started to happen. But the point of this post is less to do about my mental and emotional state and more to do with my style and comfort. I feel like as a teenager, everything is in a haze. (For most, there are a lucky fashion forward few that keep their shit together.) I remember walking into my church, a few times, with one of my favorite outfits. Black slip on shoes (I was much too tall for heals, and still now), rainbow knee high socks, black knee length skirt with lace separating the panels of fabric to show the slightest bit of skin, and a massive black hoodie. Accompanied by whatever colour hair my friend and I had decided to do that week and a faux hawk of some sort. Or a pixie cut.

Not my best time period.

I would like to think that I've grown. And not only have I expanded in maturity on a general basis but maturity in the amount of comfort I have in my personal style. Back then I was making a statement. I was proving to the world that I was not the people around me and I shouldn't be seen as such. Now, I dress the way I do because I like the way I dress. I find materials that make me happy, colours that suit my moods and movements. I guess in a way, I'm still making a statement, just now it's a whole lot softer. Maybe even filled with more kindness. Towards myself, towards my surroundings, towards life in general.

I love fashion but merely because I love expression. The human mind can take art and the perspective of self and manipulate it into so many different categories and shapes. With how complex we are, how creative we can be and how beautiful life is, what's not to like? Overall, I'm just incredibly happy that I've found a groove, a channel to allow my expression to flow through. I was paid a great compliment the other day. Someone was telling me how there is such diversity in my personality and ability to express. As a "young adult", I hated that. I wanted to find my niche. I wanted to be good at one thing and live it out to the best of my ability. I wanted to dress one way and be that to the fullest extent.

Most people call me a hippie, a category I'm happy to sport. Honestly, I'm just happy to be me.

Glancing observations,

M.

P.S.
Thankful love goes to my wonderful photographer, Lowely. Making pictures look nice even when the idea is sprung upon her.

Active Practice In Public

After a week or so of sickness, my Lady Love friend and I decided to do a much needed yoga walk. My Man has a Cannon 40D so we thought, why not take some awesome pictures, do some sweet poses, and get some excersize? (And of course be as silly as possible in every situation we encounter)
Along the way, we (A) met up with a few lovely puppies. The one shown in the picture here is part wolf part husky. Gorgeous girl, she was. Her name was Luna and she wanted nothing but buckets of love.
We (B) took some fake pictures on a film camera which the film didn't end up actually catching on so it didn't actually turn out. Oh well, we looked cool and I got to teach my lovely friend of the ways of shutter speeds and depth of field. It's interesting to see someone's photography style unfold in front of you.
And (C) ended up getting swarmed by mosquitoes whilst trying to be at our most "zen" in these outdoor poses! Apparently those bloodsuckers like to really test your focus in certain (well, actually all) yoga poses. It's not easy to support yourself in shoulder stand when you can see 3 mosquitoes flying around your legs and landing on you. Especially when you're as sweet as us and know you'll be swelling up within the hour... It's that bad.
I think this is something I'm going to do with a couple of my yogi friends. Perhaps invite my Dancing Queen to come next time as well. She'd be a fun person to ad to our silliness. (Seeing as that's pretty much all we do, permanent goof off mode) I want to almost document my progression through yoga. Not just in this summer but all the time. I want to see how far I've come with my practice. And like we were saying when we were doing handstands about 40ft away from a baseball game, it's not about how deep you can get into the pose or how strong/flexible you are. It's about your stability and engagement. Are you capable of feeling the full extent of the pose? When in dancers, are you able to square your hips and still feel the full stretch through the shoulders and hip? I obviously have quite a way to go in some of my poses but I love that I'm able to learn and grow without beating myself up about it anymore. I love that people can do different things than me. My lady love is capable of a completely different practice than I but it makes us interesting. I love learning from her flow and strength and teaching her the things that I'm "good" at.
The same goes for my classes and teaching style. I love when teachers attend my class and critique my style, wording, phrasing, transitions, everything! It makes me feel as if I'm growing in my yogic journey to be able to converse with people about our practice. Connecting to people who share the passion is so gratifying, I don't think I would choose any other career.

There is something so awe inspiring within the yogic practice of mind and body. Sometimes it lifts you, sometimes if floors you, either way, you learn with every step, breath, and thought.

What a life.

What a love.

What a passion.

Mind Tug-Of-War

Something that has been coming full circle for me lately is simply self awareness.

My Mum, yesterday, was telling me of this lady that she knows from a group of friends that meets every week or so. This lady was quite inspiring to me, in that, my Mum was saying how no one can say something or comment without this lady asking why they used such wording or what they mean by what they were trying to say. She's always encouraging the people around her to look deeper within themselves to figure out who they are and why they are that way. Why do they allow themselves to come off the way they do. That, I think is an admirable trait in someone.
My Dancing Queen whom I've mentioned before is quite the same. Quizzical and curious into the human condition. She helps you figure out your own process, rather than tell you,"this is who you are".

I'm currently working on this painting of mine. I'm really not a fan of it at all. It may be because of the place I'm doing it from, but I feel it holds a very little amount of self awareness. I'm not putting what I'm really feeling into it. I feel like I'm putting what I think would look good in a certain environment down on this canvas and it's not coming out how I'd like it to. The thing is, I've now gotten attatched to certain parts of this picture that, as a whole, doesn't feel like me.
Little splatters and colour contrast make me want to keep it but as soon as I step back and look at the painting as a whole, it makes me uncomfortable.

I know what I have to do. I need to respect myself and what actually needs to be on this canvas rather than be attached.

I guess the next step to self awareness is allowing yourself to be true to it. Making sure you not only check in with your truth but obey it as well.

Give in to the best of yourself.

I'm looking forward to moving forward from this learning curve. When I can look behind me and laugh with a carefree nature knowing that it's beyond me now. Soon.

... The messiness of my mind this morning...

M


Song of the moment:

If You Want To Sing Out
Cat Stevens

These Dreams

Lately I've felt super inspired by a certain Danish singer/song writer named Oh Land. She creates out of anything and maybe because she's not a Westerner but she seems to really have little shame in what she does. She is fully expressive and when she decides to cover her face in glitter, she does it!
To me it relates to a childlike nature. When a kid wants something, for the most part, they just go for it. Now, how that can be related and used as an adult is actually quite simple. Don't react to all the little things. Or as it's more commonly put, chill out! A repeating theme lately in my life is reaction. We are programed to immediately feel emotion and express it to the full extent. What I see in Oh Land (Nanna Øland Fabricius) is the ability to have almost a detachment from life just so that she is capable of giving what she feels is right as a reaction. Not caring about the little judgments that people put out in the world. Putting out only what is useful to her. No exaggerations or dramatic antics.
Sometimes I feel there is a fine line between creative personality and over the top personality (depending on the person) but then again, who am I to judge?

Just what's going on in my head right now..

ta ta

Meri