Catch the Bullet

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly


And dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise


It's good to get away for a bit. But it's even better to make the choices that are needed in your life to be happy on a consistent basis.

I need to make changes. I need to shed a lot of fears and press forwards with life.

Now is as good of a time as any.

M.

Incomplete .1

Something that I've been chewing through lately is the concept of being accepting in the uncomfortable situations of life.

Here's how my thought process goes.

I want to always be growing, learning, expanding. Even when I do let my mind rest and just numb out, I'm still doing it for the reason of growth. I give myself breaks to be able to continue to grow more thoroughly. For the most part lately, it's all been quite a controlled growing period. Very little chaos was had.

A metaphor The Man used last night that I've had a visual of for a while now is, I feel as if I've been thrown into a field and not given a direction but told to find the path that best suits me. Not only that, but I don't know who I am. So I am to find a personalized path for someone I don't know. I have 100% options. How is one supposed to narrow it down from that?

There is a discomfort. An unknown aspect of life that is overwhelming. And yet, I don't want to get back into a comfortable haze. Where is the medium? Where is the balance?

I guess, thus is life. Finding the balance in all situations. Sometimes I feel as if I regress and my maturity is out the window. (Ok, I feel like that a lot lately..) But sometimes I feel solid and expansive. The quest is to learn how to continue those moments of feeling rooted in yourself and growing to who you want to be, all the while keeping that self love. Discovering who you are and who you're changing into is all part of the excitement.

A good question to ask yourself in these situations (I assume) is, how can I make this happier? Brighter? More fun and adventurous? What can I do to bring a lightness to this situation?

I still haven't quite figured this out yet. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing theme in my life, at least for a while. I'm sure I'll do a .2 on the subject soonish..

Genuine ponderings,

M.

Observant of the Times

As I amble along my journey in life, I start to look back in glances at my previous mindsets and levels of self awareness. Which, in all honesty, I think is quite healthy! It helps to provide me with a sense of growth and pride for how far I've made it. I've made it as far as I have and that's all I can do. I don't have a set goal of happiness. Just continual joy and freedom.

Neither here, nor there!

I would like to think that, as a kid, I had quite a free mind. Sure, I grew up in a bit of a tight religious conformity type circle but it helped me to gain morals and an ability to create community around me. Alas, fancy free, was I. Priding myself on the caked masses of dirt between my toes and under my nails, the scars on my legs and arms, the sun burns I got from hours a day of running around in raspberry fields and making very little money. (due to lack of work and horrid pay) There was always an underlying weight of maturity that had been thrown upon me but I was capable of still being a true child. Those days were bliss.

I don't feel there was really one specific age that turned me to a teenager, filled with angst and rebellion. It just slowly started to happen. But the point of this post is less to do about my mental and emotional state and more to do with my style and comfort. I feel like as a teenager, everything is in a haze. (For most, there are a lucky fashion forward few that keep their shit together.) I remember walking into my church, a few times, with one of my favorite outfits. Black slip on shoes (I was much too tall for heals, and still now), rainbow knee high socks, black knee length skirt with lace separating the panels of fabric to show the slightest bit of skin, and a massive black hoodie. Accompanied by whatever colour hair my friend and I had decided to do that week and a faux hawk of some sort. Or a pixie cut.

Not my best time period.

I would like to think that I've grown. And not only have I expanded in maturity on a general basis but maturity in the amount of comfort I have in my personal style. Back then I was making a statement. I was proving to the world that I was not the people around me and I shouldn't be seen as such. Now, I dress the way I do because I like the way I dress. I find materials that make me happy, colours that suit my moods and movements. I guess in a way, I'm still making a statement, just now it's a whole lot softer. Maybe even filled with more kindness. Towards myself, towards my surroundings, towards life in general.

I love fashion but merely because I love expression. The human mind can take art and the perspective of self and manipulate it into so many different categories and shapes. With how complex we are, how creative we can be and how beautiful life is, what's not to like? Overall, I'm just incredibly happy that I've found a groove, a channel to allow my expression to flow through. I was paid a great compliment the other day. Someone was telling me how there is such diversity in my personality and ability to express. As a "young adult", I hated that. I wanted to find my niche. I wanted to be good at one thing and live it out to the best of my ability. I wanted to dress one way and be that to the fullest extent.

Most people call me a hippie, a category I'm happy to sport. Honestly, I'm just happy to be me.

Glancing observations,

M.

P.S.
Thankful love goes to my wonderful photographer, Lowely. Making pictures look nice even when the idea is sprung upon her.

Ebb and Flow

My Dancing Queen has explained life to me in a very descriptive and accurate way before. She says that life is just a lot of waves of ups and downs (obviously) and we can either allow ourselves to be taken along with them, feeling the extreme of each little curve or we can see how level we can allow our path to be. Now the trick is, being able to see that this is just a scoop or a dip in the sound wave that is our life. Being able to have a large enough perspective of life, the earth, existence to understand that even the good things will end but that we just need to appreciate everything whenever it comes our way.

I know this is quite a typical yoga teacher type thing to say but I really do connect to it on a deep level.

I just think that it's so important in life to keep in mind that we are human. We all are different and yet still the same. We have a connection with each other and the earth and yet we are all totally unique. To think that we need to all be the same and do the same things, have the same experiences, think the same way would be foolish. Each persons dips and arches are different. Sometimes they align and sometimes they don't. I love being this, being me, being here, so why shouldn't everyone choose to do the same? We don't choose to be human but we choose HOW we can be human.

I've been changing my life drastically lately. It is something that I've made sure is always close to my mindset. If not of it. To be able to level off your thoughts is such a skill and I really do appreciate that I've been able to surround myself in people who are quite good at encouraging it within me.

On a side note that is slightly related, I would just like to express how happy I am. I think I've been working for a long time to reach this sort of peak in my life and I'm quite content with the people I have surrounding me and the things I am planning for my future. Now if only my love for life could pay my bills. Ho hum. Life goes on.

Thought process of the day: complete

M.


Picture is of the lunch and tea that was so courteously prepared for Miss Bashful and I by Cutie Pie. I love my friends.

Active Practice In Public

After a week or so of sickness, my Lady Love friend and I decided to do a much needed yoga walk. My Man has a Cannon 40D so we thought, why not take some awesome pictures, do some sweet poses, and get some excersize? (And of course be as silly as possible in every situation we encounter)
Along the way, we (A) met up with a few lovely puppies. The one shown in the picture here is part wolf part husky. Gorgeous girl, she was. Her name was Luna and she wanted nothing but buckets of love.
We (B) took some fake pictures on a film camera which the film didn't end up actually catching on so it didn't actually turn out. Oh well, we looked cool and I got to teach my lovely friend of the ways of shutter speeds and depth of field. It's interesting to see someone's photography style unfold in front of you.
And (C) ended up getting swarmed by mosquitoes whilst trying to be at our most "zen" in these outdoor poses! Apparently those bloodsuckers like to really test your focus in certain (well, actually all) yoga poses. It's not easy to support yourself in shoulder stand when you can see 3 mosquitoes flying around your legs and landing on you. Especially when you're as sweet as us and know you'll be swelling up within the hour... It's that bad.
I think this is something I'm going to do with a couple of my yogi friends. Perhaps invite my Dancing Queen to come next time as well. She'd be a fun person to ad to our silliness. (Seeing as that's pretty much all we do, permanent goof off mode) I want to almost document my progression through yoga. Not just in this summer but all the time. I want to see how far I've come with my practice. And like we were saying when we were doing handstands about 40ft away from a baseball game, it's not about how deep you can get into the pose or how strong/flexible you are. It's about your stability and engagement. Are you capable of feeling the full extent of the pose? When in dancers, are you able to square your hips and still feel the full stretch through the shoulders and hip? I obviously have quite a way to go in some of my poses but I love that I'm able to learn and grow without beating myself up about it anymore. I love that people can do different things than me. My lady love is capable of a completely different practice than I but it makes us interesting. I love learning from her flow and strength and teaching her the things that I'm "good" at.
The same goes for my classes and teaching style. I love when teachers attend my class and critique my style, wording, phrasing, transitions, everything! It makes me feel as if I'm growing in my yogic journey to be able to converse with people about our practice. Connecting to people who share the passion is so gratifying, I don't think I would choose any other career.

There is something so awe inspiring within the yogic practice of mind and body. Sometimes it lifts you, sometimes if floors you, either way, you learn with every step, breath, and thought.

What a life.

What a love.

What a passion.

The Songs Of Sickness

This week is a bit of a break for me. It's Thursday and I've not painted, done any yoga, or worked out at all. I may do a bit of walking and some painting tomorrow but honestly, I just don't have the energy to go full out just yet. I'm thinking Monday will be when I actually get back into it.

This sickness is sucking the fun out of me.

Though, it is amusing. I get this low sort of growl coming from the bottoms of my lungs after I cough each time. I apparently am entertained by the small things in life.

I think I'm going to fold some laundry and go read in bed for a while. If it weren't such a gorgeous day out, I wouldn't be so bummed about my planned activities. Oh well, I teach a gentle flow class tonight and I don't really want to be hacking and sputtering all over everyone. I know it's not a great thing to say but I kind of hope only a few people come. I don't reeeally want to be teaching a class of 25 with sickness spewing from my lungs. (It's not actually that bad)

Any reccommendations as to how I can rid myself of this without drugs?

Wish me luck!

M


P.S. Went to a Ratatat concert on Tuesday night (yes I was still sick but I wouldn't miss it for the world) Here's a few videos to bring you into the enlightenment that is Ratatat

Mahalo - Thumbs up the reincarnation comment!

Bare Feast - My favorite song of theirs.

Ze Concert! - The live show. Fanfrickentastic.