Catch the Bullet

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly


And dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise


It's good to get away for a bit. But it's even better to make the choices that are needed in your life to be happy on a consistent basis.

I need to make changes. I need to shed a lot of fears and press forwards with life.

Now is as good of a time as any.

M.

This Too

Lady Love once gave a description of life to me. She said something along the lines of "I feel like my life is a bouncy ball and some kid is whipping it at the floor."
Depressing, maybe. Accurate? Definitely. It makes it worse that the picture of innocence and naiveity is what is causing the outbursts of kinetic energy.
My question is, why do we as humans, put our noses so close to the paper? Why do we have to make everything magnified to the point of catastrophic disaster over what is really, quite small matters of thought process?
Passion helps settle these thoughts. Passion for art, for yoga, music, love, friends, fulfillment.

Curiosity for life brings new light to bleak situations.

I was told recently that I take things too seriously. Quite a true statement in this context. There are certain moments where I over analyze the smallest of situation and it takes off from there. There are so many sayings that are applicable to this type of situation.
"This too shall pass" Is one that comes to mind. To keep in mind the inevitability of time is so important. The good, the bad, the emotional, the silly, the blissful, will all be gone. What do we choose to hold on to?

I read a story in a fantastic book about how there is this camp that help young people with intense feelings of loss and trauma. One of the excersizes is getting the kids to write their secrets on rocks and carry them around with them on a hike. At the end of the hike, they empty their pockets of their secrets and toss them into the creek. The person telling the story said how they were amazed at how emotional some of them got from physically letting go of their burdens . And yet, how some of them chose to keep these secrets with them. Taking them to bed that night and home on the bus the next day. Almost like if they let go of it, they would be letting go of themselves.

Now I know there is a lot of psychological words and names that could explain that but from the way I see it, people don't want to let go of what they see as events or times that make them who they are. If they let it go, there is an openness to them that is massive and unknown. There is a chance for them to become different and unstuck. For some reason, the human brain likes to lean towards being more like a brick wall than an open window. It can be so hard for us to let go of categories and mental lines that we draw for ourselves and allow people, society and life to draw for us.

The worst part about it all is that it takes work to become open. It takes effort to change. But it also takes effort to stay the same. So at least I know that the work is already there, it just needs to be displaced. Even just in little actions. Putting influential statements up on the wall where eyes can view it, making little positive choices in things like eating well or getting up when needed. The small things that form together is what makes life easier to do.

It will all be the same in the end, so why not make what we have worth it right now?

M.

Post Secret. The best way to feel human.

Plant Life

I had the pleasure of going to the farm of a good friend of mine the other day. Lets call him the suiting name of Green Thumb. He has the most marvelous green house and garden I've ever laid eyes on. There is so much produce and foliage in that tented little structure, it's almost overwhelming. (As you can see from the picture) I can't tell you how nice it is to see someone growing all this food for themselves. But yet, not just for themselves either, for every time I go there I am loaded with fresh produce which I later turn into lush, crisp salads and other such delicious foods. He spoils me quite a lot.
Places such as this remind me of a simple fact of life. We are all growing. We are all planting roots wherever we are in life. We leave little seedlings of ourselves in other peoples soil in the effect we have on our surroundings. Our fruit is the product of the germination of ourselves and the acceptance and reception of other people on ourselves. We are always reaching for the light. And when we don't, we wither and weaken. Our prana, our life force starts to shrivel and retreat from anything nourishing around us. This is why it is good to start with the basics of what substances we feed our plant body. What are we absorbing in life to keep us running? Food from gardens grown with love? Or foods from a store grown with quick production in mind? Maybe you don't need to be so specific. What kinds of food are you placing inside your body?

I find a good way of figuring out what is good for you is asking yourself simply that. Is this good for me? Look at the ingredients of whatever you're ingesting and ask yourself, "do I need this sugar to survive?"
There is also the mind aspect of this plant life that we live so well. Who are we allowing to infiltrate our nutritional system? Healthy, steady and well rounded people who accept you and bring you joy in your life? Or tiring, draining and withering people who drain us of our abilities to live brightly? Because of their effect on your life, is the fruit you produce more luscious and vibrant? Are the things you are saying positive and encouraging? Are you a more accepting person because of the people you are in constant contact with?
I truly believe that we are the product of our environment. If we choose to bring people who act as fertlizers into your life, you will grow with more ease and strength. If you see the good in situations, your life will become a more vibrant product of that. Sometimes it is easy to get yourself in a funk of micro thought. Of putting that magnifying glass in front of the situation and focusing in on the smallest of details. It puts everything in a funk and before you know it, you're attracting more along the same vein. Everything in your life starts to relate to this negative state you've allowed to take over you. Just as a plant reaches for the sunlight and follows it throughout the day, so should I. So should we. If we don't reach for the sun, the brightness of life and the sweetness in all situations, what is there for us? What is the point?

Really. What is the point of life, without light? Without sweetness. Without softness. Expansion and rooting. The balance between moving steadily in opposite directions, solidly and extensively.

To be able to take pride in the inner most part of the human core and yet be able to be malleable and have the capability to swell with change and growth is so respectable. The people who achieve this, even for a small amount of time, are happy. Those are the ones I look up to. I can say that honestly, I only know of maybe 3 people that really truly embody this, and I love them for being such an inspiration. But I want to be that person as well. I want to bring this abundance to peoples lives. Sometimes I royally mess things up but in order to become this effulgent person, I need to be able to make room for mistakes and forgive. I need to be able to open myself to the possibility of a vital sparkly life full of love and joy. No one else is going to break the clouds open for you. It is our responsibility to find our own path to brightness.

May your leaves be wide and absorbent, your stalk sturdy and strong and may your roots go deep into the rich and yielding soil you have laid for your life.

That line could easily be from the 1700's.
I'm ok with that.

M.

This Is The Life

Oh dear. I have been doing just too much lately and hearing so many kind words spread throughout my life that it's all too much to be putting down while it happens.

I'll start it all off with a quote/theme of my "guru's". My teacher/boss at the studio is this wonderful person as I've mentioned before and she gave this class today that I so enjoyed. It was refreshing because most of the time when I am enjoying a class it's because it has these amazing poses that open me up and strengthen me in ways I wasn't expecting. This class however, was about the earth under the rocks. And, well, the rocks themselves. (Of life that is. Because I of all people would never use a metaphor) Sometimes we allow these huge stresses to bear down on us and weight our life. It happens. No one can stop it and there's really no point. The best we can do is deal with it with elegance, grace and kindness.
But what we often don't see is the life under these weights atop us. When you pick up a rock in the forest, you will most likely find a whole suburban system of life and living creatures. It's a network of growth and fertility. The earth is moist and mellow, perfect for living comfortably in and being steady but there is things like moss and bugs and worms all living and passing time above and within it.
What I feel we need to see is the potential these stresses give us. We are given these laden drops in the ebb and flows and we can choose to see the ability it gives us to re ground and re group or we can wallow in it and become stagnant and drained.
As a kid, I loved picking up rocks and seeing all that was below it. It is the smaller version of our lives. Just as we are the smaller version of what is going on around us and outside of us. It keeps growing in both directions and the fact that we are a part of the masterpiece that is this life, is refreshing and invigorating.

NOW to give you a bit of a map of the life I've been leading.
Oh fun times.

Went to The Fringe, enjoyed the drunken business of Whyte Ave on a Saturday evening, reveled in the summer night warmth, and had a drink or two with quite the best of company.





Hung out with the Canine for a while in the front yard the other day. I love and appreciate her so much. She's probably the most amazing dog I've ever met and I'm so glad she is the way she is. Softest part of my heart belongs to her.






Been spending a lot of time with Lowly and Family. They have been quite good to me and I love them all dearly. Such a warm and genuine family. The only people I love to be made fun of by.


Said goodbye to a friend with boardgames, drinks and home made delicious cookies. I so appreciate the people in my life. They are so full of life... and penis jokes.



And watched the sun set last night before spending some quality time with My Yogi. Days like these you would love to be stuck in and yet want to continue forever.

I've been really keeping up on yoga as of lately and just went for a workout today for the first time in a while! I so enjoy feeling good like this. I think I may just be preparing myself for a seasonal change but I really do love the place I'm in right now. As stressful as things get and as many sucker punches to the balls I seem to be getting as of lately, I do enjoy this light that seems to be begging to be let out in its entirety. And it will be.

You'll see.

M.

People

People have been very inspiring to me as of late. I seem to be attracting people into my life that are doing me wonderful favors with their thoughts and actions towards me and life in general. I'm quite enjoying the love and affection life has been throwing my way.

Life has also been indulging me with many artistic inspirations. I'm not dreaming quite as much anymore but I really like the amount that my mind is reeling at night. It doesn't seem so daunting and overwhelming now. And I think I have plateaued at an even balance of creative thought while conscious and unconscious.

I figure now would be a great time to show all the creativity flooding though my veins.

As usual, we start with the melodies.

This song makes me so happy. The swelling of the strings and harps that come in so subliminally brings such a depth to it. I love walking around with this song sifting though my eardrums, bringing me to a lovely place. I often feel as if it's recorded in a forest.

This is the cafe that I often write my classes in. It's just down the road from my house and I must admit, the staff are quite charming.





This is Lady Love and I all dressed up for the Mad Men 50's themed party that we went to. We were both wearing heels and falling over in this picture due to them digging into the unstable grass below us. I like the movement in the picture though. And the strange expression that you wouldn't normally notice on someone.


These are some of the wonderfully musically creative people I am so happy to know and be friends with. Their sounds will reach many ears and be the cause of some blissful concert moments in years to come.



And this scene is the place I have called home for the last 5.5 years of my life. All of these pictures will soon be of my life back then and I will look at them with reminiscence inside me, thinking of all the amazing people I met, the leaps of growing I did, and the harsh weather.

I really do appreciate the people around me right now and have to say, they're doing a mighty fine job of being wonderful humans.

M.

Incomplete .1

Something that I've been chewing through lately is the concept of being accepting in the uncomfortable situations of life.

Here's how my thought process goes.

I want to always be growing, learning, expanding. Even when I do let my mind rest and just numb out, I'm still doing it for the reason of growth. I give myself breaks to be able to continue to grow more thoroughly. For the most part lately, it's all been quite a controlled growing period. Very little chaos was had.

A metaphor The Man used last night that I've had a visual of for a while now is, I feel as if I've been thrown into a field and not given a direction but told to find the path that best suits me. Not only that, but I don't know who I am. So I am to find a personalized path for someone I don't know. I have 100% options. How is one supposed to narrow it down from that?

There is a discomfort. An unknown aspect of life that is overwhelming. And yet, I don't want to get back into a comfortable haze. Where is the medium? Where is the balance?

I guess, thus is life. Finding the balance in all situations. Sometimes I feel as if I regress and my maturity is out the window. (Ok, I feel like that a lot lately..) But sometimes I feel solid and expansive. The quest is to learn how to continue those moments of feeling rooted in yourself and growing to who you want to be, all the while keeping that self love. Discovering who you are and who you're changing into is all part of the excitement.

A good question to ask yourself in these situations (I assume) is, how can I make this happier? Brighter? More fun and adventurous? What can I do to bring a lightness to this situation?

I still haven't quite figured this out yet. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing theme in my life, at least for a while. I'm sure I'll do a .2 on the subject soonish..

Genuine ponderings,

M.

I Am Aglow

How lucky I am to live the way I do.

Lady Love and I were talking to a friend (Champ.. a newly acquired, much appreciated friend) last night about being yoga teachers. We were saying how we don't think we can go back to the day job of 9 - 5, nose to the grindstone, hate your life and wish for release type job anymore. We've pushed the bar so high, at such a young age, that there's nowhere for us to go but up.

This picture is evidence of that. I work, do yoga, go home, listen to music whilst I blog or clean, go out with friends, teach a class, and sleep. I live off of the love of my passions! If I could give everyone in the world one huge gift, it would be the gift of living off of what you love. And loving how you live.

I guess my only qualm is that now I have to continue to move forwards and not cling to what I have. Keep pushing upwards and onwards. Thank life and existence for the friends I have and the people in my life, and continue. Enjoy every. little. moment. It will pass, it won't be there forever. Love it while you've got it and keep going, keep loving, keep finding light.

I am aglow.

If I ever seem down in any of these blogs, someone punch me.. Hard.

Shuma shumshum..

M.

Fueling the Fire

Let me allow you a glimpse into who I am and what makes up my physicality. I have very open joints and not much muscle mass. My body is very Kapha in that I am "padded" and loose. Which means I've got tons of flexibility and no strength. (I've also learned you can't tell anyone that without them thinking of some sort of sexual joke.. them's the breaks) Obviously, my specialty in teaching yoga would be Yin.

Now, my teacher, my friend, and my boss (all one person) is really trying to train me on how to teach Vinyasa Flow. It's not easy for me. Not only am I quite weak but I'm not exactly the best with verbs and queuing. So after my flow class this morning my teacher writes out a chart for me.
2/3 of the class warm up and build up to a peak pose. 1/3 is just lesser versions of the warm ups to cool down and ready for savasana.
I found it really helpful!

It also got me thinking a little. Maybe I need a bit more structure in my life. I was just doing an interview with my Dancing Queen for a documentary she wants to make and I found myself really yearning for motivation. The words were just flying out of my mouth about how much I wish I had that fire inside of me to get shit done when it needs to be done. I so tend to lean towards shying away. I would rather step back than push forwards.

Maybe I need to be making those active steps by taking that first plunge into life with charts. It sounds silly but writing everything down may just keep me accountable. Maybe it will give me that push I need to drive forwards. Lord knows I need a push. A shove. A slap. A mind jolt. Something to keep me moving. I'm craving change, as of late. I need to continue onwards and upwards.

What holds us back? What causes that recoil? Comfort? Fear? If I've been learning anything, it's that life is gorgeous and there is nothing better than living it fully. So why hold back?

Have you ever craved something so much it takes over your thoughts? What stops you from making the move and achieving it? Situation? Circumstance? What inspires you to push forwards? Who makes you want to do more? What music makes your energy just fall into place? What actions allow freedom in you?

Maybe write these things down. Document. Learn. Grow.

The meandering mind of Meri.

Ebb and Flow

My Dancing Queen has explained life to me in a very descriptive and accurate way before. She says that life is just a lot of waves of ups and downs (obviously) and we can either allow ourselves to be taken along with them, feeling the extreme of each little curve or we can see how level we can allow our path to be. Now the trick is, being able to see that this is just a scoop or a dip in the sound wave that is our life. Being able to have a large enough perspective of life, the earth, existence to understand that even the good things will end but that we just need to appreciate everything whenever it comes our way.

I know this is quite a typical yoga teacher type thing to say but I really do connect to it on a deep level.

I just think that it's so important in life to keep in mind that we are human. We all are different and yet still the same. We have a connection with each other and the earth and yet we are all totally unique. To think that we need to all be the same and do the same things, have the same experiences, think the same way would be foolish. Each persons dips and arches are different. Sometimes they align and sometimes they don't. I love being this, being me, being here, so why shouldn't everyone choose to do the same? We don't choose to be human but we choose HOW we can be human.

I've been changing my life drastically lately. It is something that I've made sure is always close to my mindset. If not of it. To be able to level off your thoughts is such a skill and I really do appreciate that I've been able to surround myself in people who are quite good at encouraging it within me.

On a side note that is slightly related, I would just like to express how happy I am. I think I've been working for a long time to reach this sort of peak in my life and I'm quite content with the people I have surrounding me and the things I am planning for my future. Now if only my love for life could pay my bills. Ho hum. Life goes on.

Thought process of the day: complete

M.


Picture is of the lunch and tea that was so courteously prepared for Miss Bashful and I by Cutie Pie. I love my friends.

Why In The Night Sky Are The Lights On?

A day of creativity so far has definitely been had. Startedwith some odd inspiration and a groggy blustery morningof sickness and coughing. But once I
went to work, got myself in gear and came home, there was quite a good flow of motivation.
Here are some pictures to show the map of my day:

My lady love came over and we hung out a bit then decided to do some creative actvities while listening to some good tunes.


Started off with making some yummy potato soup from some left over veggies in my fridge. Turned out really good but Lady Love commented on how I end up always cooking with curry. I guess it's just a favorite spice of mine. Turned out good anyway.
Thick but good.

Then we painted a bit. This being her first time doing any sort of abstract, I showed her some tricks of the trade. It's weird to explain your artistic methods to someone who doesn't actually do art. And her colour pallet was totally different from the types of colors I would usually mix. It's interesting to see what art is in someones mind and ability range. Also to think that hopefully one day she'll be more experienced in this field and her style will have matured and evolved entirely. Luckily we have her virgin painting documented.

I ended up finishing the counterpart to the painting I first showed on here. I'm pretty satisfied with it. Turned out quite well. The background colours were different on the first sort of "draft" I did but I like them now. The shape of it ended up being what I wanted as well. And I didn't think about the gold leaf when I was first doing it but it turned out well. Still have to do the sides though.

After we were done that and had a second bowl of soup, we surfed around listening to more good music and exploring the different genres we would like to sound like once we start making music. I taught her how to use the shutter speed and focus on the camera in hopes that one day she'll be doing amazing photography with a unique way of capturing life.

Now, hands splattered in grey and black, voice still sick raspy and lungs tired out, I await the plans of the evening to fall into my lap.

A movie and some baked goods sounds like a splendid idea.

M.