Mind Tug-Of-War

Something that has been coming full circle for me lately is simply self awareness.

My Mum, yesterday, was telling me of this lady that she knows from a group of friends that meets every week or so. This lady was quite inspiring to me, in that, my Mum was saying how no one can say something or comment without this lady asking why they used such wording or what they mean by what they were trying to say. She's always encouraging the people around her to look deeper within themselves to figure out who they are and why they are that way. Why do they allow themselves to come off the way they do. That, I think is an admirable trait in someone.
My Dancing Queen whom I've mentioned before is quite the same. Quizzical and curious into the human condition. She helps you figure out your own process, rather than tell you,"this is who you are".

I'm currently working on this painting of mine. I'm really not a fan of it at all. It may be because of the place I'm doing it from, but I feel it holds a very little amount of self awareness. I'm not putting what I'm really feeling into it. I feel like I'm putting what I think would look good in a certain environment down on this canvas and it's not coming out how I'd like it to. The thing is, I've now gotten attatched to certain parts of this picture that, as a whole, doesn't feel like me.
Little splatters and colour contrast make me want to keep it but as soon as I step back and look at the painting as a whole, it makes me uncomfortable.

I know what I have to do. I need to respect myself and what actually needs to be on this canvas rather than be attached.

I guess the next step to self awareness is allowing yourself to be true to it. Making sure you not only check in with your truth but obey it as well.

Give in to the best of yourself.

I'm looking forward to moving forward from this learning curve. When I can look behind me and laugh with a carefree nature knowing that it's beyond me now. Soon.

... The messiness of my mind this morning...

M


Song of the moment:

If You Want To Sing Out
Cat Stevens

Why In The Night Sky Are The Lights On?

A day of creativity so far has definitely been had. Startedwith some odd inspiration and a groggy blustery morningof sickness and coughing. But once I
went to work, got myself in gear and came home, there was quite a good flow of motivation.
Here are some pictures to show the map of my day:

My lady love came over and we hung out a bit then decided to do some creative actvities while listening to some good tunes.


Started off with making some yummy potato soup from some left over veggies in my fridge. Turned out really good but Lady Love commented on how I end up always cooking with curry. I guess it's just a favorite spice of mine. Turned out good anyway.
Thick but good.

Then we painted a bit. This being her first time doing any sort of abstract, I showed her some tricks of the trade. It's weird to explain your artistic methods to someone who doesn't actually do art. And her colour pallet was totally different from the types of colors I would usually mix. It's interesting to see what art is in someones mind and ability range. Also to think that hopefully one day she'll be more experienced in this field and her style will have matured and evolved entirely. Luckily we have her virgin painting documented.

I ended up finishing the counterpart to the painting I first showed on here. I'm pretty satisfied with it. Turned out quite well. The background colours were different on the first sort of "draft" I did but I like them now. The shape of it ended up being what I wanted as well. And I didn't think about the gold leaf when I was first doing it but it turned out well. Still have to do the sides though.

After we were done that and had a second bowl of soup, we surfed around listening to more good music and exploring the different genres we would like to sound like once we start making music. I taught her how to use the shutter speed and focus on the camera in hopes that one day she'll be doing amazing photography with a unique way of capturing life.

Now, hands splattered in grey and black, voice still sick raspy and lungs tired out, I await the plans of the evening to fall into my lap.

A movie and some baked goods sounds like a splendid idea.

M.