Thursday, September 29, 2011

Before the Frost

It's funny how doing something as simple as moving your room around can change your entire life.

But before delving into such endeavors, indulge in heavy quality melodies.

<3 Happiness

<3 A black speckled sky

<3 A slow motion outdoors amphitheater concert dance party in the rain

If you haven't guessed, I moved my room around, cleaned it, organized it, put everything where everything needed putting. The Roommate and I are dealing with a bit of an electrical crisis at the moment so I had to make sure I moved everything around all the cords that I have everywhere due to my outlets not having power. It's a bit tedious. Or was at least! I concurred it all by myself. Which included moving a big corner unit desk, my bed, putting a shelf on top of a set of drawers that are at least 4.5 feet long. I'm obviously quite proud of myself but I feel like it was a very independent act.

And NOW, well now my head is clear and my thoughts are fine tuned, focused and observant. My head is in the right place for once. Re-arraigning my room was probably the best thing I could have done for my mode of thinking. And doesn't life essentially come down to the personal thought? We are all thinking purely about ourselves all the time which, somehow, we are capable of making a conscious thought rather than empty numbing thoughts. If everyone found something comparable to moving their room around that would clear their mind so efficiently, we would have a really genuine world despite the levels of compacted negativity. Personally and generally.

This is also coupled with the fact that I did another bikram class last night. And again tonight, and Saturday.. so I bought a week pass. Not sure how I'm going to be able to keep myself so healthy due to it having so much consequence otherwise. I'm really not a fan of passing out and throwing up in a class so I'm hydrating like mad and eating super duper healthy. I think I did pretty well last night. I was also pressured into going front and center by My Man so I felt a bit of pressure to do kinda well. Didn't help my competitive side to have a role call type thing for the new people to bikram so the thought of "They'll all think I've never done yoga before... heh heh heh." was lingering through my head once or twice.

I wonder what my thought process will be with all this fall detoxing going on. I'm hoping for a theme of positivity and awareness? Haha if all goes well... Good luck to everyone around me for the next week, you're the one that's going to need it if I get sore enough.

Sunshine and rainbows,


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Simple Chaos

A certain bear once sang of the simplicities of life. A certain boy, dancing behind that bear where ever he went, believed him, wholeheartedly.
Now, ask any artist, any musician, any person with passion and venom, what they give in their efforts. What do they show for themselves. Complexity. Dynamic. Diversity.

What I want to express today is the brilliance and the depth of the gradient in between the two.

Starting with the muddled. Life gets so out of control, so wild and impulsive, so structured and tight. It whirls around you in circles, be them rigidly in perfectly accurate lines or splaying in every direction with chaotic momentum and zest. There is confusion and perception always in the way of clear thought. Mountains upon mountains of layered compacted habitual behavior that sometimes never get touched, never mind dealt with. Our minds work endlessly hard to build these walls to protect and stave off the negative. But what we sometimes don't realize is that these walls are just good at keeping the hurt out as they are at keeping it tucked in.

On the other side of the map there is simplicity. Some people have too much of it. They can't grasp the concept of diversity and depth. They allow certain things to be the only thing they see and close down to any other method of behavior or thought process. Some people reject it and push it down in favor of drama and chaos. Some people take advantage of the simplicity that external objects grant them. Be it food, coffee, alcohol, heroin, or a sharp blade. Everything has the potential for abuse and overuse in the path to simple thought. People have these over active, undirected minds that stray off to unhealthy things just to experience it and have it encapsulate them.

There is a third option.
I believe that our divinity, our wisdom and ability comes from being able to step back and take everything in while having the capability to narrow our focus to the smallest part of ourselves and bring a thorough self awareness to our lives. That gradient between the big picture and the smallest click is our gift. Our ability to see the beauty and vibrancy in life is what makes us human. We have access to death and chaos while still being fully able to provide health and love.

How I see it (my own personal opinion.. not that any of these words aren't just my perception), the first step is breath. I know I'm a yoga teacher and it's the obvious choice but there are very few people that I know that appreciate the importance of air entering your lungs. It gives us the control over our bodies and minds that we need to be able to do the work of stepping back and easing forwards. It gives us the motivation and easement to be able to balance the ebb and flow of life. To be able to breathe fully and sit in stillness is the best anchor and growth someone can do for themselves. To be able to see that we live and die alone and if we know ourselves to the greatest capability, we can love and share with others so much more fruitfully.

Moral of the story. Appreciate life and everything it holds for you. Allow yourself to love and be loved. Give the world your best even if it's not returned to you immediately and appreciate the little bursts of sparkly brilliance that come your way. Notice them. Accept them. Open yourself to the possibility of life being a wonderful journey that we can only do our utmost with. Paddling against the river does nothing but tire out your weary arms and mind. Don't bother wasting your time and energy on past bullshit that serves you no purpose. Learn from your lessons, take in the wisdom and maturity time has to offer and stride onwards towards acceptance, happiness, love and gratitude. Be playful.

Why not?


Monday, September 19, 2011

This Too

Lady Love once gave a description of life to me. She said something along the lines of "I feel like my life is a bouncy ball and some kid is whipping it at the floor."
Depressing, maybe. Accurate? Definitely. It makes it worse that the picture of innocence and naiveity is what is causing the outbursts of kinetic energy.
My question is, why do we as humans, put our noses so close to the paper? Why do we have to make everything magnified to the point of catastrophic disaster over what is really, quite small matters of thought process?
Passion helps settle these thoughts. Passion for art, for yoga, music, love, friends, fulfillment.

Curiosity for life brings new light to bleak situations.

I was told recently that I take things too seriously. Quite a true statement in this context. There are certain moments where I over analyze the smallest of situation and it takes off from there. There are so many sayings that are applicable to this type of situation.
"This too shall pass" Is one that comes to mind. To keep in mind the inevitability of time is so important. The good, the bad, the emotional, the silly, the blissful, will all be gone. What do we choose to hold on to?

I read a story in a fantastic book about how there is this camp that help young people with intense feelings of loss and trauma. One of the excersizes is getting the kids to write their secrets on rocks and carry them around with them on a hike. At the end of the hike, they empty their pockets of their secrets and toss them into the creek. The person telling the story said how they were amazed at how emotional some of them got from physically letting go of their burdens . And yet, how some of them chose to keep these secrets with them. Taking them to bed that night and home on the bus the next day. Almost like if they let go of it, they would be letting go of themselves.

Now I know there is a lot of psychological words and names that could explain that but from the way I see it, people don't want to let go of what they see as events or times that make them who they are. If they let it go, there is an openness to them that is massive and unknown. There is a chance for them to become different and unstuck. For some reason, the human brain likes to lean towards being more like a brick wall than an open window. It can be so hard for us to let go of categories and mental lines that we draw for ourselves and allow people, society and life to draw for us.

The worst part about it all is that it takes work to become open. It takes effort to change. But it also takes effort to stay the same. So at least I know that the work is already there, it just needs to be displaced. Even just in little actions. Putting influential statements up on the wall where eyes can view it, making little positive choices in things like eating well or getting up when needed. The small things that form together is what makes life easier to do.

It will all be the same in the end, so why not make what we have worth it right now?


Post Secret. The best way to feel human.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

It Takes A Muscle To Fall In Love

Quench your melody thirst first.

I've been beginning to see how much exersize we need every day to be healthy. And this isn't just physical activity, which is incredibly important, but mind and spirit and emotion and rights. We need to constantly find space in our minds to be able to be conscious all the time. It's not easy. To be able to make sure you're following your passions and still maintaining your temporary happiness to a point. Still rolling with the punches but finding meaning in little things that give you a happiness that seeps through any walls you put up. All the while being aware of the walls you are putting up and why they're protecting you and from what? Yet, there is still this balance that needs to be achieved between social media/social gatherings and filtered thought/solo time.
Or maybe this is just my head and how my thought process goes. While the person next to me is totally opposite or maybe just of by a couple thoughts. We are so different, and yet inseparable.
I try and make sure I'm setting myself little goals. Little gold stars throughout life. I've actually got a pair of sunglasses that I trade back and forth between a friend called "good choice glasses". We only get them when we're on a good choices streak. (Obviously some rad looking sunglasses) The plan is a little flawed due to us not being able to have good streaks at the same time but it's encouraging. Little bursts of happiness like that keep you accountable. Keep me happily moving rather than dragging myself.

I love looking at the thought process of other people. The differences in our minds intrigue me to no end. It's interesting to ask yourself why you're doing what you aren't doing. What are you allowing to soak in? What are you giving yourself room to become? What is acceptable? I refuse to believe in right and wrong, I lean more towards what is deemed acceptable. Whether it's the general acceptance or a lone thought of, "yes".

What do we allow our horizons to look like? What are the "good choices" that we make and what do we categorize as bad? I hope to always be looking for the answers to these questions. I want to have just as little of understanding for the changing times and the reaction of the human against the world and vice versa. I'll just be more comfortable with the empty answers I'm capable of coming to conclusions with. Which is just as happy to me as knowing all. Blissfully looking forward to finding out all my inquiries.

My lines are down, you can't call me,
As I fly around in space odyssey.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Picture This - My Visual Life

The view from a bridge somewhere in this quickly chilling city. I'm not ready for colder weather.

Going to the football match. Lady Love and I stuck around for half the game and then pussied out to go and sit in the warm car. Such sportsmanship. But really, what do you expect?

The game. The view was breathtaking while the sun was setting. I was secretly wishing I was in England watching the world cup. Now that would be an experience.

Lady Love and The Critic pretty much looking typical. They're my favorites.

My quest for a curtain for my new room is quite daunting. I need someone who actually has the ability to make choices to come with me and help narrow it down a little. Fabric is expensive!! And there is way too much of it for me to pick just one.
I'll probably just get bead curtains. Why not?

I would like to do more of these sort of visual photo blogs but I'm not whipping out my camera enough. I'll try harder, I promise.

I've also been painting lately as well so that might be the next blog post. My "mixed media artistry" being displayed. We'll see.

I feel like I need to give some sort of glimpse into what is going on in my whirlwind brain right now so lets try this on for size.

Meri's Self Growth of the Day:
The path to finding yourself takes a lot of courage and ability to accept change. But it also takes a strength in standing your ground. There is a balance between what you know to be true to you and allowing truths to become you. That balance takes awareness and that awareness takes bravery. To be able to have a calm and unbiased outlook on your own life is hard but worth it. If you stay present and true, accept love into your life with every choice you make, and reach towards a higher standard in everything you do, you can't go wrong.

I'm really thankful for the ability to do this blog. I am really just writing these things to myself in a public domain. These are really just parts of my journal that everyone can read and hopefully find some hope and love in them. I've realized that I want to help people with my life. I enjoy doing it in a manor of subliminal joy. I like working positivity secretly into peoples lives and maybe that just means being an example. But I'm also an example of being human and getting overwhelmed with these things that make me human. So hopefully people see that and can feel justified in making mistakes and still strive for making better choices.

Kestrels breed
Looking farther than I can see
Without talked to read
She'll take a shining to me

Beacon, don't fly too high.
Beacon, don't fly too high.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Plant Life

I had the pleasure of going to the farm of a good friend of mine the other day. Lets call him the suiting name of Green Thumb. He has the most marvelous green house and garden I've ever laid eyes on. There is so much produce and foliage in that tented little structure, it's almost overwhelming. (As you can see from the picture) I can't tell you how nice it is to see someone growing all this food for themselves. But yet, not just for themselves either, for every time I go there I am loaded with fresh produce which I later turn into lush, crisp salads and other such delicious foods. He spoils me quite a lot.
Places such as this remind me of a simple fact of life. We are all growing. We are all planting roots wherever we are in life. We leave little seedlings of ourselves in other peoples soil in the effect we have on our surroundings. Our fruit is the product of the germination of ourselves and the acceptance and reception of other people on ourselves. We are always reaching for the light. And when we don't, we wither and weaken. Our prana, our life force starts to shrivel and retreat from anything nourishing around us. This is why it is good to start with the basics of what substances we feed our plant body. What are we absorbing in life to keep us running? Food from gardens grown with love? Or foods from a store grown with quick production in mind? Maybe you don't need to be so specific. What kinds of food are you placing inside your body?

I find a good way of figuring out what is good for you is asking yourself simply that. Is this good for me? Look at the ingredients of whatever you're ingesting and ask yourself, "do I need this sugar to survive?"
There is also the mind aspect of this plant life that we live so well. Who are we allowing to infiltrate our nutritional system? Healthy, steady and well rounded people who accept you and bring you joy in your life? Or tiring, draining and withering people who drain us of our abilities to live brightly? Because of their effect on your life, is the fruit you produce more luscious and vibrant? Are the things you are saying positive and encouraging? Are you a more accepting person because of the people you are in constant contact with?
I truly believe that we are the product of our environment. If we choose to bring people who act as fertlizers into your life, you will grow with more ease and strength. If you see the good in situations, your life will become a more vibrant product of that. Sometimes it is easy to get yourself in a funk of micro thought. Of putting that magnifying glass in front of the situation and focusing in on the smallest of details. It puts everything in a funk and before you know it, you're attracting more along the same vein. Everything in your life starts to relate to this negative state you've allowed to take over you. Just as a plant reaches for the sunlight and follows it throughout the day, so should I. So should we. If we don't reach for the sun, the brightness of life and the sweetness in all situations, what is there for us? What is the point?

Really. What is the point of life, without light? Without sweetness. Without softness. Expansion and rooting. The balance between moving steadily in opposite directions, solidly and extensively.

To be able to take pride in the inner most part of the human core and yet be able to be malleable and have the capability to swell with change and growth is so respectable. The people who achieve this, even for a small amount of time, are happy. Those are the ones I look up to. I can say that honestly, I only know of maybe 3 people that really truly embody this, and I love them for being such an inspiration. But I want to be that person as well. I want to bring this abundance to peoples lives. Sometimes I royally mess things up but in order to become this effulgent person, I need to be able to make room for mistakes and forgive. I need to be able to open myself to the possibility of a vital sparkly life full of love and joy. No one else is going to break the clouds open for you. It is our responsibility to find our own path to brightness.

May your leaves be wide and absorbent, your stalk sturdy and strong and may your roots go deep into the rich and yielding soil you have laid for your life.

That line could easily be from the 1700's.
I'm ok with that.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Despite A Winters Day

Yeasayer Red Cave

I went out past the willow and the well
caught my breath upon the hill
at the edge of the domain

And I went down
and further down
and when I got up,
I'm at the red cave

And with that sound
as if I had been put under a spell
she led me to her abode
despite a winter's day

Meri's house in the hollow of the
white hazel rapid whirlpool
and the church of hurricane

I'm so blessed to
have spent that time
with my family and the friends
I love with my short life I have met
so many people I deeply care for

I'm so blessed to
have spent that time
with my family and the friends
I love with my short life I have met
so many people I deeply care for

The Wee One (my lovely sister) showed me this song. She says it's because of the description of walking to the cave and the connection to the people in this persons life. Then she realized it said Meri's house. Of course it's Mary's house but I'm a dork so I change it. Makes me feel like it's mine.

I feel as if this is actually the perfect song for me. Maybe just for right now but I do have a deep connection with it. I feel like at some point in my life I will go into hiding in a cabin in a forest and live on my own. I can also see myself doing a hibernation for a period of time, becoming a hermit and then having all my friends and family come and meet me, spend a month together living in harmony and then going back to life and society feeling refreshed and brimming with love and compassion for the world.

I want to be able to do what she is doing in the song. Lead people to a place of genuine spirit and connection. I'm glad I have a fighting spirit, I am. But it hurts me. It brings confrontation and a discomfort in people. I try so hard to be true and simple. Why does that scare people so much? Why does an honest question that brings you deeper into yourself make people so frightened of life? I am just as scared. I am just as fearful and timid. But I accept. At least I want to. Sometimes I don't. But I need to keep trying. As much as people keep pressing me and building up walls to my demeanor and even just my image, I need to keep strong.

So do you.

We are all learning in this life. No one knows what is on the other side. If you claim to know, you just know less. The way I see it, the sooner that is accepted, the easier life gets. But who am I to tell anyone?

As soon as you think you know, you have only reached a door to a whole new view. There is so much more than just this. There always will be. Be strong.

I'm so blessed to
have spent that time
with my family and the friends
I love with my short life I have met
so many people I deeply care for.


Extra love for the music joy.
Because I miss the sunshine already and it's not even gone. But alas, "don't be sad because it's over, be happy it happened" - Seuss

Friday, September 2, 2011

Oh The Choices

Indulge your heartstrings and capacity for enlightened thought with a mix of adoration for the rhythm and shaping of sound that the human mind can conjure with this video.
I highly recommend it.

Shake the Dust

In the meantime:
There is something fantastic about choosing contentment in a situation.

Moments of chosen contentment recently:
1. When listening to music. I have gone through stages of being very critical of what I listen to and not being open to very much else. A snobbish behavior to say the least. But I felt like the things that I chose had so much merit and they should be seen as so to everyone. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I started expanding my horizons and allowing my enjoyment to extend to other genres and bands. I remember having the thought (in all it's simplicity), "If I like this music because of the sounds I hear that resonate with me then who's to say that the sounds that other people hear are just sounds that resonate when them? They just hear it differently" From then on out I decided to give every other song, genre, melody, bass line, and beat a chance. I would make the effort to choose to be content with music.

2. There has been quite a lot of things going on for me with my growth in life as of lately. New experiences and situations throw peoples lives out of order and that's along the same lines as my life at the moment. Extreme change saturates my life, even into the smallest of habits. I now challenge my thought process on almost everything. Constantly second guessing my opinions and trying to see new things. Well, in that process, there can be a whole lot of frustration. Because of all this deep change, I have developed a bit of an emotional numb to protect myself. I have been waiting for this numb to crack and for a big spill of emotion to come but I didn't know when it would hit me. Well it did the other day. I had a clear visual of a big biblical goblet/jeweled cup overflowing with dark red wine. I could feel myself bubbling over and knew it wasn't going to be pretty with people around. So I took a step back and told myself "everything is a choice. I will be able to feel this emotion soon, just choose contentment for now" And I did. It was good to know that in the biggest time of stress I've felt in a very long time and I was capable of keeping it together until I could feel it fully and get over it in a healthy way. But it took consciously thinking and even saying it out loud to myself for me to really listen and follow through.

3. Choosing contentment in acceptance. Essentially I guess they could be the same thing. You need to be content to accept and accepting to be content. So lets say contentance. Acceptment? Contentance.
So to have contentance in a situation, you need to have acceptment.
Either way, it is a choice. Situational, emotional, spiritual, verbal, mental, absolutely everything. I love the amount of choices we have in life. I love that sometimes it feels like you only have 50% options for your life. There are other things in life that need to be taken care of and you are held accountable by people and society. But who's to say any one of us can't snap and go crazy? Who's to say we aren't already all crazy, we just aren't open enough to be able to see it.
So if there is nothing actually physically holding you back from buggering off to some unknown villa in Europe or some deep part of the rainforest, why would we not at least choose to be accepting.

Now there is a difference between being content and rolling over and letting everything trample you. There is a strength to the core of the human being and if that strength is played up and always exercised just as your muscles are, you become a grounded person. You are solid in the choices you make and are yet still willing and open to hear peoples viewpoints and accept changes in your life. But still be able to fight for who you want to be.
The contentment I'm talking of is knowing what is out of your control and what you can change. When a situation is going crazy, all you can do is choose your reaction to such happenings. We can allow for that happiness and love to come though in all of our choices. Sometimes we just let go of that understanding to coddle ourselves, our egos.
All I'm saying, really, is that humans are capable of happiness. Bliss, if you will. And there is nothing stopping us from obtaining it, but ourselves.

"Challenge accepted."