Incomplete .1

Something that I've been chewing through lately is the concept of being accepting in the uncomfortable situations of life.

Here's how my thought process goes.

I want to always be growing, learning, expanding. Even when I do let my mind rest and just numb out, I'm still doing it for the reason of growth. I give myself breaks to be able to continue to grow more thoroughly. For the most part lately, it's all been quite a controlled growing period. Very little chaos was had.

A metaphor The Man used last night that I've had a visual of for a while now is, I feel as if I've been thrown into a field and not given a direction but told to find the path that best suits me. Not only that, but I don't know who I am. So I am to find a personalized path for someone I don't know. I have 100% options. How is one supposed to narrow it down from that?

There is a discomfort. An unknown aspect of life that is overwhelming. And yet, I don't want to get back into a comfortable haze. Where is the medium? Where is the balance?

I guess, thus is life. Finding the balance in all situations. Sometimes I feel as if I regress and my maturity is out the window. (Ok, I feel like that a lot lately..) But sometimes I feel solid and expansive. The quest is to learn how to continue those moments of feeling rooted in yourself and growing to who you want to be, all the while keeping that self love. Discovering who you are and who you're changing into is all part of the excitement.

A good question to ask yourself in these situations (I assume) is, how can I make this happier? Brighter? More fun and adventurous? What can I do to bring a lightness to this situation?

I still haven't quite figured this out yet. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing theme in my life, at least for a while. I'm sure I'll do a .2 on the subject soonish..

Genuine ponderings,

M.

Sub Thought of Consciousness

I'm not sure how other people dream, really. I ask all the time but no one can really give a straight answer. So because I would love for someone to do this for me, (feed my curiosity for the human mind) I will do this for others in hopes of the same in return at some point.

I dream in energy. In the intent. Anyone read The Chrysalids? John Whyndham explained it quite well how these kids communicate through thought. That's how my dreams work. No one really says "words" in the literal form. I often dream in colour, shape, feeling. I don't get details or specific images, just a general vibe of whatever emotion this object is meant to be portraying.

Often times when I dream of people, there are certain features that I see on them that are my depiction of the features they have in real life but the rest of their bodies often don't look quite the same. I'll know who they are most of the time by the energy they give me. Even though I know who the tall man with dark hair and piercing eyes is, he may be giving me the energy of someone else. Most of the time they look somewhat like the person they are in reality, but sometimes not. Sometimes if I see my sister (wee one) in a dream, I'll know it's her but she'll look totally different. It can be because the dream is in the future and she is evolved into someone that I'm not accustomed to in modern day time. For the most part, the hair and the color of clothes are the two things I am capable of really seeing. Everything is often just blurry and out of focus.

Sometimes I'll dream in psychedelic shapes. Just outlines of objects, flowers, vines, shapes, geometric designs. That's not very often and when it does happen, it's mostly in Savasana. (Which has been really trippy for me lately.)

I see surroundings quite well though. Last night was Switzerland and there was a harbor with boats and houseboats floating and bobbing around. There were huge hills all around the harbor that were lush with the greenest of grass. I remember the ebb and flow of the waves around all the wooden docks, there was a building that reminded me a lot of Waterfront Station in Vancouver. I took the escalator down to the water and looked back at the brick building. It looked like it may have been displaced there from the 20's.

Sometimes my dreams stick with me really well, in which case I'm capable of writing them down in a dream journal I have. Sometimes they leave just before I become conscious. I often wake up and then try and dive back into the dream before it slips through my fingers but it's often too late.

I've tried to do lucid dreaming but I've only achieved it once or twice and didn't enjoy it very much. I like seeing what my subconscious comes up with. What situations the depth of my mind decides to create for the thought process of my mind.

Sub thought of the conscious self,

M.