What Do You Got?

In need of some good toons? Lucky for you, this post is riddled with warm cabin beats. Ready to thaw your winter heart and fill your chest with sugar and spice. You've already got "everything nice".


At a little wooden cabin
Up in northern Minnesota
We ran together down to the dock
And you jumped right off it
And from out in the water
You called me to join you
And I said, "Baby, I cannot swim If I jump, I'll surely drown you"
You said, "Life has no limit If you're not afraid to get in it"
And oh, baby, I jumped to you
Since then there's nothing I can't do

I'm never gonna give you up
What do you got if you ain't got love?
If you ain't got love
What do you got if you ain't got love?

Someday, someday soon
You and I will both be gone
And lately, I can't help but think
That the love we feel will live on

I find this in myself and see it constantly in people in general. We tend to retreat from "the light", if you will. One of my goals in life is to understand why. Why does holding back, being withdrawn and sad seem so tempting? Why do we continue to choose to wallow in our sorrow rather than choose to let go of what is wrong in our lives?

I find it slightly entertaining when people fully admit how unaware of self they are and have no interest in knowing anything under the surface thoughts of their mind. What is luring about self destruction? Why not explore and change? Why not "play God" and manipulate the inner workings of the thought process? The walls we put up to ourselves and the people around us are actually quite easy to demolish and yet we choose to reinforce them over and over.

I'm not perfect. There are multitudes of walls that I've stableized in my life. It's hard to catch when you've built one at the best of times. But I figure if I change one thought at a time, it will eventually bring me to a place where I realize I've taken leaps in a great direction. If you keep putting one penny in the jar from time to time, eventually you'll have a heavy jar full of riches.

It's the little choices that count. The smaller moments of enjoying the lack of categorizing and predicting what's next. It's the times when you look out a window and enjoy the view. The times of standing back and looking at a completed job well done and admiring your handy work. It's the moment's of "what was I doing again?" and that space between asking that question and finding the answer. It's the moment of pent up frustration starting to boil over and strangely enough, there's a feeling of needing to be comforted and you take on the responsibility yourself and take a massive breath, letting out all the angst and dirt. It's that moment of carrying onwards. Smiling, no matter what.

Someday, someday soon
You and I will both be gone
And lately, I can't help but think
That the love we feel will live on

M.

Feel Good 'Bout What You're Dreaming Of

Ever catch someone's eye and notice that they're smiling? For the most part, if and when it happens to me, I usually can't help but smile back. Or at least bashfully look away. People love people. We all love human connection and crave it. We want to be social and happy. Which brings me to my point.

My world view has been renewed and refreshed into a heart throb of sunshine and kitten kisses.
Don't you worry. I plan on recycling it all right back.

Sometimes when life is going a little slow, things are getting a bit rough, the grit of the real world sets in a little and you feel that impending string of bad choices crouching in behind you as you watch the ideal balanced mindset to slip slightly.
I've had a couple conversations in the last couple days about when these types of things happen to people and the reactions that they allow themselves to have.

There is truth in the cliche's that we use so often. "Life is what you make it" Being a big one.

The reaction people choose to have to the situations around them are what count. They are what makes up a personality, an attitude, a feeling.

Life, the universe, God, Buddha, Gandolf, or whomever suits your fancy, decided to put things in place to bring a huge gift of happiness and future possibility into my life today. My ability to express my thankfulness and gratitude is not adequate. I will say that the person that set it up and made it happen is a dear friend of mine. A mentor, if you will. A person of great wisdom and logic. Few people have the ability to shine quite as effeciently and deeply as this one does.

Though I've done this before, I'd like to put out there how much I appreciate the people in my life. Because of this and the overwhelming goodness that I see so frequently in my friends, I will make this act of kindness contagious and spread it as far and deeply as I can.

Love you long time,
M.

Mind Rewrite

It is a challenge. A challenge, I tell you. Sure, knowing that the sun is behind the overcast umbrella above you is obvious. But knowing that the same energy, the same ball of fire, the "prana", the life force, be all and end all, is within you isn't easy.
I'll tell you what is easy. Swimming in thought. Allowing everything to muddle up in the mind and well over like the tantrum tears of a three year old. Swallowing that thought, that mindset of "I am my thoughts" and seeing that nugget of chocolatey goodness beyond, somehow proves to be one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
As the lovely Lauryn Hill says
"These buildings could drift out to sea
Some natural catastrophe
Still there's no place I'd rather be
Cos nothin' even matters to me"
Why do we allow thoughts to have such control? What is so great about over analyzing everything to the nth degree?

I had a lovely conversation with a new friend the other day. A young thing of simplistic wisdom. They were talking about how short of time we have on this earth. How we have so many options and only a pinch of ability to utilize them all. And yet we choose to numb, distort, distract and divert from the essence of living. From things that are a part of our essential nature. We stray from love for the sake of fear. We push happiness to the side for the growth of greed. We put ourselves in situations of blaming others for things that we can so easily take responsibility for.

My question is, "why?" If you have hung out with me for more than an hour, you'll know I ask that question a lot. I'm learning to be more specific so I ask, why distract from goodness?
What are your distortions? What do you use as a crutch for your choices? Who do you blame for your emotional states?
Everyone does it, so why not dig a little deeper?

M.

P.S.
I know the pictures have very little to do with the words but I found them to be interesting visuals, for what it's worth.

Where It Comes From

So there is a lot going on in this brain of fluff. I'm not only reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle but The 5th Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz which was given to me by a lovely lady I know from the coffee shop I used to work at and go to regularly. She saw the Power of Now on the table beside me and asked me if I'd read the 5th Agreement. Then insisted on buying it for me. Karmic acts like that really make me satisfied.
Anyway, these are the visuals that are setting of sparks in my head. I've been painting quite a bit and due to a good friend, if not a Mentor of mine, saying that I have to have 2 finished paintings to show by Monday. It's nice to have a bit of structure with painting other than the flexible goals that I put in myself. When I finish them I'll post some pictures. Hopefully I'll put them up before the end of January.In the meantime, here are some creative inspirations that are pushing me forwards.

Doodles of the Creative

Lumps of Art Gold

Words to Love By (Personal friend and favorite)

Inventing Craftiness

Mag That Brings Out the Best

The only real photo opportunity I've experienced is at the pool with The Boys I babysit from time to time. That was interesting. Being a lady of my early 20's with two boys of the ages of 6 and 8. I must have looked like I was doing pretty good for a Mother in my 30's. I admittedly got some strange looks while wrestling around with them.

I have also been getting back into Fiona Apple as of recently. I had forgotten how much I relate to her moodiness and how well her voice falls on my ears.
Her top song in my opinion.
I hope to some day have an ability that merely shadows hers. Her talent in composition and lyricism is impeccable.

I wish I could post some awesome photos on here but I really haven't been doing much picture taking. At some point, I'd like to buy a couple more rolls of film and fill up the Pentax I've got sitting on my shelf. It's just calling my name and now I've missed the most gorgeous time of year! Oh well, there's always beauty to capture.
I SHOULD have taken more Halloween pictures but apparently my head is elsewhere. I have some on my little point and shoot but they're not exactly quality.
All I have to show for my creative adventures as of late is the coil notebook that I stuck with clippings from the blue canvas mag I have (link posted above) which I think turned out quite well. I need to make a bit harder of a backing for it because the glue has curled the cardboard, but it gives it a bit of character.
I'm using the notebook to write out songs and doodles. It's quite nice to have the ability to express so freely now. I feel almost as if there has been a blockage that has been broken and now I'm flowing freely.
Now to get back on the yoga train. Dear oh dear.

I'm sure at some point I will be posting my opinion of how the books are affecting my life. Until then;

Ta for now,

M.

Picture this - My Visual Life .2

Other than a wee trip to the mountains for a night, I haven't been doing much with my time but I figured I would post some pictures, if not to encourage myself to document and be more adventurous.
So as slight as it may be, this is what mine eyes hath seen:


Went for lunch at the best little restaurant in town with Lady Love whom I get to spend more time with now that she's free of schooling for a while. Good food, good conversation, good times.



Lady Love with her gorgeous luscious eyes enjoying an eggplant po'boy. Ain't she a doll?



This seems to be the activities of the majority of my nights as of lately. The cat seems to enjoy it.




My Man and I in the shadow of the mountains and the light of the morning sun. He somehow convinced me we were just going to Calgary to dick around in the mall for a day trip. How I didn't catch on, I have no idea.


Some wildlife we saw on the way. There was also a Semi V.S. Moose fight in front of us on the road there. Sure, it would've broken my heart, but you don't get to see that kind of thing every day.


The hotel we stayed at had an assortment of wildlife growing from the walls. We were reminded a few times of how "Beauty and the Beast" it was. We even had the pleasure of hearing singing in the streets!

Its funny, I was sick for a bit and couldn't go to any classes in that time. I also figured that not meditating would be a good idea as well and have been slacking with that for the past while. As much as I would love to say that it was a bad idea, I'm kind of thanking myself for taking that break. Granted, it's hard to get back into it but it's nice to see how drastically those two things change your life.

As shown above, I've been given the book "The Power of Now" By Eckhart Tolle. I've read it once before a couple years back and it changed my life then so I am hoping for it to evoke some more radical movements in my life this time around as well. I plan on referencing it from time to time and maybe even working through some of my thoughts about it on here. Hopefully it causes some shifts in thoughts.

Until then, I leave with the quote:

"Watch the thinker, you are not your thoughts"

M.

Catch the Bullet

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly


And dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise


It's good to get away for a bit. But it's even better to make the choices that are needed in your life to be happy on a consistent basis.

I need to make changes. I need to shed a lot of fears and press forwards with life.

Now is as good of a time as any.

M.

Come and Go

Stand-by for the kaleidascope skies.
Reflecting in her radical eyes.
Boy tries what the girl denies,
After a rainstorm,
A rainbows the prize.

The appeture in my lense is focusing. My depth of field is shifting. The view I once had has now blurred and another, different, daunting and refreshing outlook is appearing before me. Currently, I am too overwhelmed to put enjoyment into this change. All I seem to be looking for is comfort. And yet, I still strive to find the focal points in this new landscape. I push further for more and more change while being held down by the coat tails by the weight of stability.

Is it better to flourish and stumble forwards in expansion and quest for bigger, wider, deeper knowledge? Or is it better to dampen the expansion only slightly, maybe just in a different way, to stablize and root oneself? I know my life will affect and impact the world around me no matter what I choose. I know my life will leave a story. As to what story, I am befuddled. Legitimately feeling torn is the worst and best feeling. I know the choice I make will be the "better" one no matter what. But to actually make a choice is daunting.

If you haven't already guessed, or have even spent all of 5 minutes with me, you'll know I don't decide well. I love being the leaf on the water, going whichever way the wind takes and allowing for others to decide my circumstances. It get's me into trouble occasionally. It tends to take away from my life force from time to time. There is a delicate balance between standing within yourself and allowing life to happen. I stand, teetering, wavering in the breeze, in that balance quite often. It's an odd place to hold your life, I know.

I have been catching my thoughts lately. The ones that have been standing out are the ones where I am dreaming of packing up everything I own, tying off loose ends and hitchhiking to California. Or driving up north and living in a cabin for the winter in solace.

Looping back to my first subject; Fantasy or reality? Stability or freedom? As much as I would genuinely like to send that question out for other people to answer, I know the answer needs to come from me. I need to look to myself, and ask honestly.

Much work to be done..

M.

"And your voice still echos in the hallways of this house"

Be the Bird, Be the Key

Inspiration. Product to come. For now:


Little bird have you got a key?
Unlock the lock inside of me
Where will you go?
Keep yourself afloat
Feeling old until the wings unfolded
Caught me a long wind
Where will we go?
Keep ourselves afloat

I caught a long wind
A long life wind
I got to know the sky
But it didn’t know me
Got to see the light
And land on top of the sea
And be the bird, be the key
And now the current tells
What the wave withheld
And then the lightning say
Oh where light will lay
Where will you go?
Keep yourself afloat

I caught a long wind
A long life wind
Like a swallow
A night owl
A little chickadee
Sad sparrow
Good morning bird
Good nightingale
I took a deep breath
And caught a long wind

Her cutting clear blue eyes peered out her bedroom window, fingers tight, gripping the sill, toes just touching the vibrant pink shag carpet waiting beneath to catch the souls of her little feet. The screen pressed against her cheek as she craned her head to the left. A slight breeze energizes her blonde hair around her shoulders and face and forces a scrunching of her nose to happen so as not to use the hands so willfully keeping her hung from this white wooden frame to the outside world.
Only mere metal and glass keep her from the height of a great cherry tree in front of her. The chickadees dance around the soft pink blossoms that return the bird movement in their own subtle dance from the moist air gliding by. They give off a fragrance that sticks to the inside of the top of her nose. It's high tones open her airways but still are solid in their depth and bring this little scoundrel to a place of calm. She allows her eyes to take in all the sights in front of her now. The birds have become boring and the land below looks as if colour is oozing up from the center of the earth. The tones are strong and vibrant. The dew soaked ground is aching for sun from the afternoon rays. Those naive blue eyes graze over the yard that she knows as her kingdom. All the paths she has laid out, the half finished house she built and holds resentment for, the forest area she calls home, and this cherry tree brimming with what look like overweight black and white mice with wings and beaks. They flutter in front of her, flaunting their freedom in the brilliant and gentle colour of the flowers that bring her peace in her childlike thoughts of wondering.
Little did she know the crisp blue of her iris would slowly fold, in time, into a ring of dark grey, stark in its contrast, to a deep but soft blue that gives way to flecks of prairie gold and earth green.

I caught a long wind
A long life wind
Like a swallow
A night owl
A little chickadee
Sad sparrow
Good morning bird
Good nightingale
I took a deep breath
And caught a long wind


M.

Listing the Wonderful

Fall is here.

(Now complete with a full playlist of fall listening to guide you through these words from my brain. Click away.)

Change is inevitable. As much as I enjoyed this summer, I am starting to look forward to the slowing of gears that winter brings. I plan on doing a lot of renovating in this head of mine this year. Makes me quite excited to see where I'll be and more so, who I will be once the leaves bud and flowers grow.

Even though I know you should be thankful all the time, I can see why the Thanksgiving holiday is put just before Mother Nature becomes a ruthless bitch. Well, at least she is here in the Frigid North.

But I digress.

It can be hard to see the good that is in front of us sometimes. We have our noses so close to the book, eyes peeled on the magnifying glass to the point of only focusing on the ink of the letters that make up the big picture. With going along that theme, I shall list things of slight and things of importance to me that I am humbled by their greatness.
(Not in any particular order)

A support group of fantastic humans who have flaws and grime that aren't perfect. They mess up, they do dumb things, they fall down repeatedly. But even when they are down and full of the scum that life spits in your face, they manage to not only pull through eventually but support and love me and all the other people in their lives. I have an impeccable safety net of people who mean the world to me and I know will stay in my life path for a long, long time.

Music. Buying some speakers was one of the best purchases I've ever made. I can't live without the beautiful sound of distorted pitch through airwaves that reach my brain and register as bliss. I hold on to the happiness that sound gives me with all of my soul. My thankfulness towards music is never ending and overflowing.

Expression. Specifically through painting and photography. Documentation could be categorized in here as well. My many means of expression are a huge part of what keeps me sane and still slightly crazy. It is the bane of my existence and yet the joy of my life. Blogging, journaling, photography, painting, fashion, exploration of self in general. To be human is to be pulled in many directions and find balance between them all. I will never achieve true balance but I'm content with that. I love the journey too much to stop.

Yoga. Obviously. I have a new relationship with my physicality because of it and I wouldn't change it for the world. It has helped me find things about myself that I enjoy and take pride in. It brings me peace and silence in the midst of my chaotic mind. There is no other career path I'd rather take. I am proud to be a student of yoga and thus, a student of life.

I hope that this might inspire. To sit down and write out things that are solid forms of happiness in life is so important. Who knows, maybe doing the same next year will allow you to see how much you have grown.

Holiday homework: Sit still. Breathe deeply. Document the quality of life. Give thanks.

M.

A Man of Wise Words

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

Wisdom verses safety. Protection and comfort, or vulnerability and depth?
To not choose is to choose.